Unbecoming Who You Are Not, and a Nod to Women’s History Month

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s unbecoming everything that isn’t you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” — Paulo Coelo

Becoming begins when we’re born when our brains aren’t fully developed and we are completely dependent upon the people around us. We tend to take on the characteristics of those caregivers to meet our basic needs and subsist. When we’re young and vulnerable we want to be accepted. Without understanding how they treat others, those closest to us most unfavorable traits such as hostility, lack of self esteem, anger and indifference can be absorbed into our “DNA”. Those traits reinforce adverse behaviors in ourselves such as low self esteem, self-criticism, fear and uncertainty.

The trick to unbecoming takes time, reflection and a huge dose of honesty. In my experience, the last part, honesty, is major. Being completely honest with ourselves takes us out of our comfort zone, but isn’t that where we need to go in order to peel away years of accepting, without question, who we are?

My story is unique but the path I took felt right for me. Unbecoming who I was has been a challenge and a joy. It began seriously for me when my mother passed away. I was fairly close with her so she was the caregiver I emulated most. A large part of my agreement to stifle myself was my belief that I needed her acceptance and approval. Then in 2013 when she died, I felt lost and adrift; I had no idea why, that’s when things broke open for me. I didn’t know who I really was, what I wanted, what I feared or what my reality was. As my “roller coaster” journey to self-realization began, I was eventually able to see that everything I did and how I saw myself was made by a former self I could no longer identify with. As time passed and the layers of the past fell away I began to feel at peace, happier and completely comfortable with the life choices I was making.

I would say that’s the key, when you feel complete peace, happy and comfortable, you’re on your way to unbecoming who you aren’t. When you step out of your comfort zone, letting go of what doesn’t feel right or good is a rite of passage for your soul. Connecting with your truth opens the door to a life that’s authentic and unique. It’s certainly not easy or something you can plan, it’s a matter of unlearning everything about yourself that you’ve just accepted. Just Imagine how much more meaningful your life will be when you’re living as the person your were born to be.

“That inner voice has both gentleness and clarity. So to get to authenticity, you really keep going down to the bone, to the honesty, and the inevitability of something.” – Meredith Monk

No one can tell you how to unbecome the person you aren’t or tell you how to let go of the ways that aren’t true to who you really are, but when you have the idea or notion of what’s possible, things will begin to slowly change and you will then allow who you really are to be liberated. Once the voyage to self authenticity begins, it will be your way of living for the rest of your life. Michael Bryant has quite a story to share of his brokenness and his unbecoming, it is well worth your time to listen.

Women’s History Month

Hedy Lamar was a glamourous, beautiful movie star, but she was also highly intelligent, ideas for inventions came naturally to her. The patent she filed with co-inventor George Antheil aimed to protect their war-time invention for radio communications to ‘hop’ from one frequency to another, so that Allied torpedoes couldn’t be detected by the Nazis. She was the ingenious inventor who planted a seed that would blossom into some of today’s most ubiquitous technology, including Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, GPS, cordless phones and cell phones.

To honor all the women I know and I’m connected with, whether you’re famous or not, your life matters, you are strong, empathetic and you make a difference. We are all “she-roes” in our own way.

Authentic Living Helps you Comfortably Connect with Others

How Being Authentic Feels

How authentic have you allowed yourself to be?  Are you comfortable being exactly who you are? Being authentic is the only way that we can experience the best of ourselves. It is about being present, accepting, approachable and above all transparent. From my experience with authenticity, it is not only easier for me, it effects the way I interact and how people feel when I am in their presence. It isn’t anything specific that I do, it is just how I show up.

When you’re authentic, you will feel much more comfortable in your own skin. You’re naturally aligned with your own truth and easily able to discern those who are genuine and those who are not. To observe authenticity, go out into nature and observe wildlife. Animals and birds have no ego or agenda, they just are. Can you imagine living that way all of the time?  You can finally stop being a people pleaser and trying to live up to the expectations of others.

What I’ve Observed in Myself and Others

I am the first to say I led a dual life for many years. I was one way at home and another way at work. I believed that if I was completely myself, I wouldn’t be accepted. Toward the end of my business career I was so burnt out that being myself was the only way I could be, it was then that it was clear I wasn’t a fit with the corporate world.

I used to be so frustrated with people who were two-faced, I could not imagine how someone could appear to be friendly or honest, then be so insensitive or untrustworthy, it didn’t make sense. Over time, being awake to life has helped me to better understand that people can only be what they know. I don’t condone hypocrisy, but to those who are, I am aware, you are forgiven.

I’ve known many people throughout my life that have been disingenuous.  I’ve been betrayed, lied to and emotionally hurt because I took their inability to be real personally. One thing I’ve discovered is that how someone else acts is not directed just at you, they arc that way toward others and themselves. Like you, people are always doing the best they can, no matter how they appear. Until a person’s life is affected in a way that causes them to see who they really are, they won’t change.

Becoming Authentic is Like a Job

True authenticity is about going inward and looking at the patterns in your life, going into your past, why you choose what you do, how you feel about yourself and if you feel you are honest and can be trusted.

It is natural to feel discomfort with the thought of being authentic because of those parts of us that we keep hidden from everyone. That is okay, I dealt with some of my darkness on my own and I sought help with the deeper issues. You can peel through the layers of your dark side that you’ve stuffed down and heal without telling everyone. Authenticity is vital to a healthier life, you’ll feel lighter and more in tune with yourself.

Simple ways of authenticity that I’ve picked up:

  1. Always be ethical
  2. Modified Honesty (I am careful by always starting a conversation with, “If I may offer a suggestion or this is only my perception” with the thought in mind that my honesty is not to hurt or sway someone’s choices based on my opinions and beliefs).
  3. Love your body just as it is
  4. Accept what you look like and learn to see your unique beauty
  5. There is no one like you, so choose to love yourself
  6. Be comfortable with your own unique style
  7. Stop caring about what others think
  8. People pleasing becomes a thing of the past
  9. No longer looking for approval and expecting everyone to agree
  10. Seek help or guidance from someone you trust

Choose wisely, choose intentionally, thank you for reading this post, Namaste

The Divine Feminine is Vital in the Work of Awakening

The Divine Feminine is about including and valuing the feminine as an essential dynamic of the creative life force. It is celebrating and maintaining the attitude that a balanced life is the Divine combined with the masculine, as in Yin and Yang you cannot have one without the other. It is about remembering our interconnection and oneness.

The Divine Feminine is needed now more than ever, like the blessed event of birthing of a child, it is time to raise awareness of the beauty and perfection of our creative life force and our connection with each other necessary for the survival and progress of humanity and Mother Earth.

I’ve been thinking about this a great deal and realized that rather than expect everyone to embody this way of thinking for a big change, it must start with us as individuals. We, as awakened women, must restore our connection with each other beginning with our family, friends and in our local communities. It is vital to the transformation of the way the world functions to practice our natural ability to be kind, compassionate, thoughtful and remembering that everyone needs and wants to be loved.

The world is in a state of chaos that can only be lifted and transformed with the inclusion of the divine feminine. It is time for awakened women to be in the forefront as heart-centered leaders if the human race is to endure.

Our attention must be focused on the way we treat each other combined with an understanding of the higher purpose of humanity. Women’s true nature is to listen with wisdom, connect and create from a place of love, compassion and kindness rather than from the old paradigm of separation and ignorance. Our way of living must be centered on learning to live together, helping each other and supporting the values that will restore our way of life to appreciate the strength in community.

Modern day society is controlled by the masculine drive of greed, separation and being disembodied from the sacredness of the divine feminine. As pigment of skin does not determine our value or status, neither does gender. It is time to recognize the importance of the divine feminine, honoring women and our place in the world.

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Listen to your inner voice, with grace, grit & a sense of humor

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It pays to have a sense of humor, I laugh when I think of the times my inner voice was talking to me, and I didn’t pay attention. Has your gut “said” “don’t drive that way” or “don’t answer the door or take that call” and you did anyway? Every time I’ve ignored my inner voice or intuition, there was a lesson for me and a message that was even more powerful, “LISTEN, when your little voice talks to you.”

Your gut instinct or inner voice will always guide you in the right direction, I would like to share a story when I did listen.

I had been living like a nomad for nearly two years when the final but pivotal living situation pushed me to take action. I knew I was ready to find a place of my own to live, but like everyone I was nervous and not sure what to do. The place had to be close to work, within walking distance to shops, restaurants and someplace fun to go. I began the search on my own then I told a coworker what I was faced with, she offered to help. Even though I knew what I wanted, there were people who wanted me to just find someplace to live, but I had to tune them out determined that I was going to find the right place. Then things turned when the woman who was helping me had a rental in the perfect location with an obstacle, I would need a roommate. My mind raced, I wasn’t sure who that could be. Then I recalled a conversation with a friend who was in a spot and had asked me to be her roommate. I had said no, thinking at the time I was fine on my own, but my inner voice said, “She is waiting to hear from you”, so I sent her a message and voila, she was on board.  We moved in together a few weeks later.

There are many stories out there like mine, our inner GPS is always talking to us.  It helps to remember that paying attention to your inner voice requires humor, grit, grace and a sense of calm and the answers will come to you.  We all have the power and ability to create a life that is unique to who we are but it helps to be open to the unexpected and unplanned and go with it. We have been taught by the people n our lives to “take charge and grab the bull by the horns” and force the outcome to whatever situation we are faced with, but that usually results in unhappiness along with a load of obstacles, problems and hidden issues that we couldn’t have possibly known about.

Listening to your inner voice is natural, if you teach yourself to pay attention to your gut and the way you feel.  Here are a few tips:

  1. Spend time alone in nature.  This one tip is a gold mine, it is easier to sort through your feelings and tune out the outside influences to get to relax, have fun and some time to get to the core of what you want and what is in your heart.
  2. Meditate: This is a great tool to aid in getting to the root of your soul. More than just closing your eyes and reflecting, meditation, however you choose to do it, allows your mind to quiet so you’re able to connect with your innermost feelings.
  3. Stand up for what you want.  No one knows you or what you need better than you. Well-meaning family and friends have the idea that their opinions and experiences are what you need to hear to avoid making mistakes, being hurt or coming up against a disastrous outcome. That is the time when you must be determined to stand up for what you want and what is right for you.
  4. Have a sense of humor – If you run into obstacles or experience setbacks, have a sense of humor to help you get through whatever comes up,  it isn’t easy but it is the healthiest way, laughter truly is the best medicine.

Thank you, namaste.

 

How to Not to Live a Lie

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Be yourself as an innocent child trust that the real you is enough and never apologize for who you are LP

When I began my consciousness journey several years ago, I made choices that I made based on the approval of those that I thought knew more than I did or appeared to be more consciously aware then I was.  I spent the next several years reading books, taking lots of classes and being involved with groups and practices that offered something that I thought I needed to make me like them.  I compromised myself and my beliefs because I didn’t think I was good enough, not spiritual enough or wise enough.  The truth is I was all of those things, I just needed to believe I was.

A few ways I’ve found helpful to stop living a lie:

  • Love yourself a lot, know that love is really all there is, live your life wrapped in it

  • Honor your individuality by being yourself always

  • Follow the wisdom of your heart, no matter what everyone else tells you, your heart knows what is right for you

  • Maintain your integrity and who you are by surrounding yourself with people who don’t want to change you into someone else

  • Live spherically, in other words, live all areas of your life authentically: your work, your personal life, your relationships whatever you do and whoever your with, be yourself

  • Listen to your inner voice, trust it and know that it knows best, no matter what others think or say

  • Be true to your values and ethics, never compromise them no matter what. Trust me on this one, it is one of the most important steps to stop living a lie

  • Trust your choices, even if not every one doesn’t work out as you thought they would, the lessons will be invaluable for your growth.  Even though people in your life may seem to know more or have other ideas for how you should choose, their opinions and advice come from their personal experiences and beliefs

I am a photographer who loves nature.  I’ve been a photographer for years and have gotten really good at what I do. But because of my lack of confidence, I spent years holding back because I was intimidated by photographers who were far more experienced than I am.  Then one day a woman I knew suggested that I enter one of my images in a contest.  I decided to take a leap of faith when I found a site that held many contests along with offering a place to showcase my images.  I was nervous and unsure of myself but I created a profile and took one baby step at a time. Each day I added an image and surprisingly the members, who are all photographers, showed interest in them and started awarding them.  I took the next step which was to enter my images in contests, not to win, but to gain more visibility, it worked better than I imagined.  That was nearly a year ago, now my confidence is soaring, my focus is now on learning from all of the photographers I am connected with instead of being daunted by their experience, I honor it and know that they are helping me to become as good as they are.

If you resonate with any part of my story, then you too can break out of the cycle of disbelief, lack of confidence and conformity by just trusting yourself, trusting that who you are is enough.  We  have been told to believe that we have to become like someone else for so long that we don’t even know who we are anymore.  It took a few years and Universe stepping to push me forward before I finally got it.  It’s okay, you’re okay, you really are.

Thank you for stopping by, feel free to share your insights and stories.