Unbecoming Who You Are Not, and a Nod to Women’s History Month

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s unbecoming everything that isn’t you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” — Paulo Coelo

Becoming begins when we’re born when our brains aren’t fully developed and we are completely dependent upon the people around us. We tend to take on the characteristics of those caregivers to meet our basic needs and subsist. When we’re young and vulnerable we want to be accepted. Without understanding how they treat others, those closest to us most unfavorable traits such as hostility, lack of self esteem, anger and indifference can be absorbed into our “DNA”. Those traits reinforce adverse behaviors in ourselves such as low self esteem, self-criticism, fear and uncertainty.

The trick to unbecoming takes time, reflection and a huge dose of honesty. In my experience, the last part, honesty, is major. Being completely honest with ourselves takes us out of our comfort zone, but isn’t that where we need to go in order to peel away years of accepting, without question, who we are?

My story is unique but the path I took felt right for me. Unbecoming who I was has been a challenge and a joy. It began seriously for me when my mother passed away. I was fairly close with her so she was the caregiver I emulated most. A large part of my agreement to stifle myself was my belief that I needed her acceptance and approval. Then in 2013 when she died, I felt lost and adrift; I had no idea why, that’s when things broke open for me. I didn’t know who I really was, what I wanted, what I feared or what my reality was. As my “roller coaster” journey to self-realization began, I was eventually able to see that everything I did and how I saw myself was made by a former self I could no longer identify with. As time passed and the layers of the past fell away I began to feel at peace, happier and completely comfortable with the life choices I was making.

I would say that’s the key, when you feel complete peace, happy and comfortable, you’re on your way to unbecoming who you aren’t. When you step out of your comfort zone, letting go of what doesn’t feel right or good is a rite of passage for your soul. Connecting with your truth opens the door to a life that’s authentic and unique. It’s certainly not easy or something you can plan, it’s a matter of unlearning everything about yourself that you’ve just accepted. Just Imagine how much more meaningful your life will be when you’re living as the person your were born to be.

“That inner voice has both gentleness and clarity. So to get to authenticity, you really keep going down to the bone, to the honesty, and the inevitability of something.” – Meredith Monk

No one can tell you how to unbecome the person you aren’t or tell you how to let go of the ways that aren’t true to who you really are, but when you have the idea or notion of what’s possible, things will begin to slowly change and you will then allow who you really are to be liberated. Once the voyage to self authenticity begins, it will be your way of living for the rest of your life. Michael Bryant has quite a story to share of his brokenness and his unbecoming, it is well worth your time to listen.

Women’s History Month

Hedy Lamar was a glamourous, beautiful movie star, but she was also highly intelligent, ideas for inventions came naturally to her. The patent she filed with co-inventor George Antheil aimed to protect their war-time invention for radio communications to ‘hop’ from one frequency to another, so that Allied torpedoes couldn’t be detected by the Nazis. She was the ingenious inventor who planted a seed that would blossom into some of today’s most ubiquitous technology, including Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, GPS, cordless phones and cell phones.

To honor all the women I know and I’m connected with, whether you’re famous or not, your life matters, you are strong, empathetic and you make a difference. We are all “she-roes” in our own way.

Bring Good Vibes with the Ancient Practice of Feng Shui

Whenever there are challenges I have no control of, I turn inward and to my surroundings. It lifts my soul and it changes the direction of my focus. My surroundings parallel how I want to feel using the practice of Feng Shui. Because I am naturally inclined to maintain an open flow, it makes sense for me.

I grew up in a clean clutter free home, so it was natural for me to apply the practices of Feng Shui, in fact I was quite excited when I discovered it. Over the years, I’ve learned to use Feng Shui no matter what the circumstances to echo the way I feel and how I want to experience the world around me.

Feng Shui is a simple common sense way to improve your environment, it’s not about decorating but is focused on natural energy flow and a clean, clutter-free home. It’s simple, fun and there’s a feeling of fresh energy everywhere once you’ve begun the transformation. The life-giving joy of Feng Shui is a great way to create an environment that has a favorable impact on you and your everyday life.

Feng Shui is a combination of an ancient art and science that goes back thousands of years. I know from first-hand experience that there is a significant change in the feeling and flow of energy when it is applied.

The philosophy of Feng Shui is a practice of looking at our living spaces and working environment and striking a balance with the natural world. The Chinese words “feng” and “shui” translate to mean “wind” and “water,” respectively. This concept derived from an ancient poem that talks about human life being connected and flowing with the environment around it. Anjie Cho

How to apply Feng Shui to any room

Step 1 – Commanding Positions That means the direction of the important furniture in each room. While your kitchen appliances have to remain where they are, you can rearrange other rooms to create a better flow. Never line anything up with a door or put your back to the door, simple and practical advice as you begin to choose new locations for your furniture. I suggest imagining it first before you move anything, consider the function and the outcome so you don’t have to move something heavy more than once.

Step 2 – Keep the house free of clutter – “Clutter is an energetic anchor that impedes the best things from unfolding in our lives,” Laura Benko Keeping a space devoid of clutter makes it feel light and easy , Feng Shui is not about a perfectly decorated home, but creating a happy, healthy space to enjoy your life.

Step 3 – Remove negative symbolism – Evaluate your space for any symbolic representation of anything showing up in your space that reflects any challenges and difficulties you’re been faced with, replace them with items of what you want to attract.

Step 4 – Maximize natural light – Natural light makes us happy and more positive, so the more of it the better. For this step, adding mirrors in room to reflect it will add light where it may not be as bright as you’d like it, the reflected light will lift the feeling of the room.

Step 5- Balance your work areas in the kitchen – While certain areas of the kitchen are unchangeable, organizing the work areas and other areas in the kitchen will make a big difference in the feeling of your space. As well you can change the color, any decor and improve the light. The time and effort to get that feeling are well worth it. I am just finishing making several major changes in the kitchen/dining space and it feels much better.

The experts in these videos on Feng Shui share other ideas and how to use the five elements in your space. Remember you can also use Feng Shui concepts outdoors as well, giving you a world of peace, joy and harmony.

To better understand and apply the elements by Ivy Marie Lim

For the right feng shui color palette for your home, Rodika Tchi

Furniture rearrangement and placement tips by Carol Hyder

Enjoy your journey and the increased energy flow for a happier, healthier life.

Never Undervalue the Power of Failure or Success without Pretense

Success is Not Final, Failure is Not Fatal: it is the Courage to Continue that Counts – Winston Churchill

When we’re born, our views of success and failure are already in place, not in our genes or DNA, but within our culture and the people we are raised by. In whatever capacity they’ve learned to handle mistakes, failure and success is what we are taught to believe, accept and the way we think of ourselves.

However, we can transform our beliefs and encounters with failure and success by learning to appreciate the power of creativity and unplanned life experiences. Failure is really about gaining wisdom, knowledge and understanding that mistakes are life lessons that encourage our growth. Success is not only about money or power but living your passion and purpose and knowing that it’s always there no matter what direction your life goes in.

Failure gives you courage, insight and character to keep trying but we have to stop worrying about how long it takes to achieve success and being focused on the lack of it.

There mare many facets of success, personal success is remembering who you are, where you come from, growth and improvement, while balanced success is being grateful, honest, faithful, loving, loyal and.maintaining our individuality,

One of my journeys with failure and success was my struggle with not having a perfect body as society defines it. My learned belief was that I would only enjoy a happy life if my body was that ideal yet unrealistic image. With each attempt to achieve that expectation there were failures filled with sadness, self loathing and frustration that I felt I had no way to overcome.

Then about two years ago I finally experienced peace of mind after I participated in a workshop focused on self love. I had an epiphany that helped me to focus on the healthy and strong body that I have. I saw myself as a deserving person, worthy and happy just as I was. I realized that the failure I’d been living was in my mind and it was up to me to allow myself to experience happiness no matter my body’s imperfections. My desire for fitness has never been to have an ideal body, but a very healthy one, so despite myself, I’ve achieved that outcome.

For me belief in a higher power is instrumental in achieving success. I’ve learned to recognize that I am a child of the Universe, created with the same components as I see in the stars and trees, an inherent presence with a purpose where mistakes are learning tools and success is about doing your best for the best outcome. A conscious definition of success is well said below:

“To live the lives we truly want and deserve, and not just the lives we settle for, we need a Third Metric,” she says, “a third measure of success that goes beyond the two metrics of money and power, and consists of four pillars: well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving.” Ariana Huffington, founder Huffington Post

Anyone who has read or seen Harry Potter knows the power of an extraordinary imagination and enormous success. However, you may not know the epic failures that J.K. Rowling experienced on her journey to the fairy tale life she lives now.

We struggle most of our lives trying to overcome failure to achieve success in whatever area of life we are passionate about. Take small steps, build your confidence, keep moving forward and don’t allow the outcome to be the focus of your attention, you never know what gifts failure and success will endow you with.

It’s Time for People of Conscious to Change the Direction of the World

I have a deeply held belief that through forward-thinking, coherent measures and ethical conviction, we can empower ourselves not only in our country but globally to redirect our energy toward humanitarianism, compassion and inclusion for everyone. Igniting the heart to be the forerunner for humanity to co-exist peacefully rather than to continue living in separation and fear.

I recently read an article that exemplifies my belief that great change is needed. The story was about a young migrant father and his baby daughter drowning in the Rio Grande on the Texas border, no one knew they were there. They’d traveled from El Salvador; the father was desperately trying to find a way to a better life for his daughter I felt a sense of defeat and asked myself what can be done to stop situations like this from happening. Rather than blaming or finger-pointing, my thoughts went to the Declaration of Independence and what it meant not just for Americans but for humankind.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.

My interpretation of this very profound text is that it is up to people to bring about effective change by responding morally, consciously and humanely through mindful, principled and compassionate steps. We must reinstate our rights and fully participate in making a difference in education, climate crisis, healthcare, the economy, and all of the other challenges we are faced with. Imagine a world where enlightened, kindhearted people are in the forefront, imagine the outcome, we can be the change we are all are seeking. Momentous changes came from impassioned, ordinary individuals such as Mother Teresa, Margaret Higgins Sanger, Susan B. Anthony, Emily Davison, Lucretia Mott, Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, Malala Yousafzai and Alexander Fleming to name just a few. Not one of these people imagined the effect of their efforts, they were just passionate and committed and they changed the world.

I believe, as a woman who has been on a path of conscious choice for quite a few years, that I am here to share my insights with others to see mindfulness as a way of life, not based on any specific agenda or definition, but strictly by living in the realization that we are all the same despite any regional or cultural differences. A woman is a woman, a man is a man, a child is a child, blood is red, all hearts thrive or decline, love is love. Let the way of humanity be known for finding the connections and similarities to create a world where love and unity are dominant not secondary.

it is crucial that we embrace our rights as human beings through mindfulness and take a stand for doing what is right, simply because it is the right thing to do. No matter the action we take or on what level, know in our hearts that it does make a difference.

consciousness that is centered around ethics, integrity, values and an impartial lens is in favor of equality for all of life. I believe that people care so much and want to do something to change the way things are, but don’t know what to do or how. It all begins within ourselves, through attitude and our daily interactions. My personal journey began with self introspection and personal change and now I see myself as an agent of change, working each day in the name of love and goodness to effect the people around me in a beneficial way. The way we consciously change the world is by taking action in whatever way we can, whether it’s in our home, our neighborhood, our community or the world.

I would like to finish with a quote that embodies the way I live my own life:

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” ― Marianne Williamson

All images in this post were gotten from the internet.

Thank you for reading my post, I sincerely appreciate it.

Self Narratives – Where They Come From and How to Change Them


“We are the sum total of our experiences. Those experiences, be they positive or negative, make us the person we are, at any given point in our lives. And, like a flowing river, those same experiences, and those yet to come, continue to influence and reshape the person we are, and the person we become. None of us are the same as we were yesterday, nor will be tomorrow.”-B.J. Neblett

We are born into stories, storytelling is a natural part of being human. The stories we develop and tell become our life story, they form our perception of everything and everyone we encounter, as well are our self-perception and our beliefs. The present state of our lives is a result of those stories.

Self narratives define our way of seeing who we believe we are, our sense of self-worth and what we believe we are capable of, they help us connect with others and how we empathize. As we grow into adults, our narratives become our perception of the world.

Not only are we storytellers, we are story listeners. Narratives are woven into our heads and throughout our lives become very real to us even if they are imagined or nothing like any situation we may have experienced. Whether we are aware of it or not, we combine all of the elements of our stories to create an explanation of our lives. Our imagination combined with these stories can either pull us into misconceptions and suffering or draw us into a life of happiness, love and positive outcomes. We are the authors of our stories.

While not all stories we are told or tell are wrong or harmful, they are the foundation for many of the circumstances that we live every day. Like everyone else, my stories come from a variety of sources where I’ve created visuals of myself and my abilities. The difference for me came with my journey into mindfulness which has helped me tremendously with my self-narratives, whether I’m creating stories about myself, the people around me or any experiences I have.

The internalized stories we tell ourselves are our own personal myths. Like myths, our stories are a combination of fact and what may or may not be conjecture. They have villains and heroes that either propel us forward or hold us back. We can figure out where those stories originated by reflecting, looking at each part of who we are and where that stems from. We can edit, revise and interpret those stories even if limited by facts, we can also rewrite them. Consider this, our lives, our stories and our health are inextricably interwoven.


How do you recognize the stories you tell yourself, and if they are getting in your way?

Start by thinking through who you are. Write it down.

What are your qualities?

What do you struggle with? Take time with this, perhaps even coming back to it a few days later.

Ask others how they perceive you.

What do they say you’re good at?

Recognize the things in your story that make you uncomfortable, things you don’t like to admit but feel are true

Challenge the story.

Are those things you want to change?

Focus on really understanding those aspects of your narrative. Think through where they came from.

What was the root cause?

Imagine what life would be like if these weren’t part of your narrative. What would be different? (From Introvert, Dearby Peter Ash)

Mindful Ways to Unravel your Self-Narratives

Determine parts of a narrative you want to change – whether your stories are about yourself, other people, habits that you have, beliefs that you follow, stories that you’ve been telling and what parts of it really represent you, the way you feel, the way you see things and how you believe, then rework the story into an uplifting and pleasing story that fits with who you are.

Call the Story Out – in other words whatever you’ve been telling yourself, rethink and rephrase it to self-supporting narratives. If your stories are out of sync with who you really are, it is important to rewrite them so you are consciously creating a positive visual you can align with. Each and every word we say projects an image of who we believe we are, how we treat ourselves and others, whether we act or react or if we live with a loving or harsh approach to live. The way to build a better world is to start within ourselves.

Empower Rather Disempower Yourself – Create a positive future for yourself by stepping outside of your comfort zone and rewriting your self-narratives. We are the only ones on our journey, writing our story as we proceed each day. Like the words you write, the thoughts you have and the words you speak can be transitioned to empowering and positive stories that manifest gifts into your life that meet your wants and needs and fulfill a positive image of who you are.

When you live mindfully, you’ll come to understand that life never happens to you, it happens for you, no matter what the event. Events are neutral, it is the way we perceive what happens and what we say about the events we live that determines their impact. You can’t not have a story. Think of yourself as in a constant, developing relationship with your life: view your life as a partner and a whole, rather than a series of circumstances and events. See your life as a canvas that can be re-painted any way and at any time. What story do you want to tell yourself and those around you?

Final thoughts, everything we say is based on our attitude. Neutralize life, see it as a span of time with an undetermined number of years to go through our life experiences. We can either adapt and endure with a reactive attitude to situations 24/7 or think of our life as a blank canvas, creating each part of our story as we go along, responding in any way that’s in line with who we are.

Jodie Rogers is a coach, facilitator and skills trainer guiding professionals, individuals and corporate teams who need clarity, momentum and greater self-awareness to enable change to happen.

Expert Advice from Benjamin Button: “It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. You can change or stay the same; there are no rules to this thing. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find you are not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

Thank you for reading my post, I appreciate your time.

Being a Mother; Sharing the Benefits of Mindful Parenting

Becoming a Mother/Parent: I’ve heard parenthood referred to as a job, I’ve never seen it that way,  Being a mother is a gift, a chance to  create a loving relationship and develop into a self-less, more compassionate and caring person. When my son was born, it was just two days after my 23rd birthday, he was the most joyful and memorable birthday gift I’ve ever gotten. I hadn’t planned on becoming a parent, but I felt comfortable with the idea and knew it was part of my destiny. My son was and is the best and most profound friend and life education I could have asked for. I grew up with him; I became a better person because of him and have developed a strength I never knew I had.

Unintentional Parenthood: Like millions worldwide, I saw my role in my son’s life by the way my parents had been with me. I saw myself as the decision maker, creator of specific guidelines and ideals that I believed were expected of a child.  From the time my son was born through his formative years being a single mom was new and trying but not so difficult. However as time went on, parenthood became a formidable process, my parents were old-fashioned and I had my own challenges with parenting that were compounded by my beliefs that I had to direct my son’s life, which caused stress and strain between my son and I. I didn’t catch on to what was really going on until later in our lives. When my son was well into adulthood, I realized how I was with him and adjusted my role from a one=sided and overseeing parent to a supportive, loving friend.

Mindful Parenting: A modern and successful method is mindful parenting. In a state of consciousness, the parent(s) strives toward open dialogue, complete acceptance and understanding; most importantly treats a child as separate person rather than a possession. It isn’t easy, but this allows our children to be who they truly are and proud of their uniqueness and a healthy relationship to develop. Adults aren’t only teaching, we are learning how to be more conscious with young people. The best approach, in my opinion, is to develop mutual respect, trust and empathy. When both the child and parent can completely trust, there is nothing that will divide the relationship, even when there are challenges. This relieves both the parent and child of the burden of performance based life and it opens the door for a purpose driven life for both parent(s) and children.

Conscious parenting that begins when the child is born becomes a way of life so that by the time they are teens, the chaos and stress that goes on around them loses its importance because they’re grounded and more inwardly connected.  It helps if parents remember that all relationships including those with ourselves are based on our unique perception of what we are seeking. It is the same for a child, they are seeing the world from a very different “pair of eyes” than an adult. That means parents ease-off, listen with an open mind with the intention of reaching a viable solution. Holding on to old habits will cause the parent and child to collide especially if the adult believes their opinion is the only answer. That way of thinking and being will only drive a wedge in the relationship, causing grief and stress.

While my journey into being a conscious parent happened later than I would have liked, our relationship has certainly benefited and become better. Being a conscious parent for me now is being aware that my son is his own person and will make choices from his perception based on his individual needs. And it is up to me to remember to mind my business, no matter how hard my ego is working to push me into old habits, I leave my selfish desires for him where they belong, in my head.

How can we realize a symbiotic, harmonious relationship with our  children starting now?  This can be the bumpiest road of growth for both the parent and the child. I’ve listed some suggestions for your consideration.

Some excerpts below are from Huffpost Online, Lisa Kring, Contributor

  • The intention must be relinquishment of control by the parent(s) to being an environment of fair agreement, this is vital in building a harmonious relationship.
  • Be present in the moment without wanting what is to be different. The more discontent parents show during this crucial period of a young person’s personal growth, the more strained the relationship will be.
  • Mindful parenting also involves decoding and addressing deeper needs of our children, rather than getting mindlessly caught up in and reactive to surface behaviors
  • Let trust lead the way is another successful way to transform a relationship and will definitely ease the stress between the parent and child.
  • Through daily practice, mindful parenting focuses on managing strong emotions, reactivity and stress, improving mindful communication, honoring sovereignty, recognizing and actively reshaping one’s mal-adaptive mental patterns, as well as cultivating compassion, loving, kindness and self-care.
  • Listen with your heart instead of with your head, refrain from judging and criticizing. Never allow external distractions to interfere with conversations, be focused and present.
  • Rather than striving for perfection as a parent, it’s easier to just be the “good enough” parent, trust me it will work out in the end. We have to remember we are all human, we make mistakes and we falter, but with mutual understanding and acceptance, the relationship will be just fine.

My son and I are as different as day and night, however I honor his differences and beliefs because they are his.  My late mother and I had many challenges and difficulties because she adhered to what she imagined I would do and be even though I strived for an open relationship with her, I failed miserably.  So, I never offer advice unless I”m asked and no matter what my son does, says or wants, it is his life, only he knows what will be best for him. This way of being has been the key to how well we get along and makes it easier to resolve any challenges we are faced with.

Thank you for reading my post, I appreciate your time.