Becoming Vulnerable – to Have Healthier Friendships/Relationships

Relationships are complex, challenging and a source for growth. Going into any relationship in a state of unawareness, guarded and carrying baggage comes from making the same choices over and over again which only leads to heartbreak and turmoil. Stripping away habitual behaviors to become open and vulnerable is the only way to experience healthier, happier relationships.

Without vulnerability, relationships struggle. Vulnerability is, ‘Here I am – my frayed edges, my secrets, my fears, my affection. Be careful – they’re precious.’ In return, it invites, ‘Oh, I see you there. It’s okay, you’re safe. And here – here’s me.’ It builds trust, closeness and a sense of belonging. Relationships won’t thrive without it. Karen Young

Being vulnerable isn’t easy, exposing our most vulnerable self is a lot of work and doesn’t happen overnight, it is a process that happens as we build confidence and certainty that it’s okay to be ourselves and genuine around others.

If you view relationships as a way to become a better person instead of a way to fill a void or to make you happy, they will function better and differently and all of the relationship stumbling blocks most people experience will eventually fall away. This is effective for all relationships, not just those of a romantic nature, love and vulnerability aren’t limited to romance, in fact, they are the true nature of humanity.

Healthy relationships are always growing and changing allowing for introspection, personal growth and the ability to shift our way of being. The key to healthy relationships is that they be backed with consciously chosen meaningful intentions where everyone is always seen and heard and feels secure knowing that no matter what is said or discussed, there are no judgments, conditions or opinions that will diminish the heart of the connection between you.

First, we should be in a strong and wholesome relationship with ourselves, that will open the door for healthier relations. As we become vulnerable we will learn that our happiness and accountability in a relationship is our responsibility. then we will lift the burden of expecting anyone else to care for our happiness and feelings. Unfortunately, a majority of relationships are unconscious, revolving around feeling safe and relying on the other person to make us happy, that is what we’ve come to expect and what strains most relationships. Healthy relationships of any kind are grounded in consciousness, unquestioning trust, giving space to each person to be authentic and feeling completely accepted.

Vulnerable relationships are different asking that we be conscious, aware of our emotions, actions and words and that we are able to be ourselves. I recently read a quote that helped me put into words the way I approach relationships now, it was something like we must understand that relationships are not to make us happy but a part of our lives for us to learn and grow from.

Redefining a relationship isn’t easy, no matter how mindful we are. For me, the best way I’ve found not to conditionalize a relationship based on past experiences is to work on myself towards well-being and self-confidence and always remind myself this is a different person and situation. Because I live in awareness, I make sure to treat people as I want to be treated. Being aware and conscious is a great part of vulnerability and a constant effort meaning we can never slip into unconscious oblivion again. I can suggest trying what I’ve discovered, ask yourself questions like what will happen if say this or how would I feel if someone treated me this way before I say or do anything.

A major factor that changed the dynamics and the type of relationship I have with myself was when I chose to create boundaries such as not letting what others thought of me or my choices interfere with what I decided or how I thought of myself. I also took another big step toward being true to myself by reducing the number of people I was surrounded by. For me, that was a fairly significant move that led to a smaller circle of trusted friends. Becoming conscious and vulnerable is going to bring an obstacle course with everyone in your life, this is where you will experience the most change and weed out those people who aren’t on the same page with you.

Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”― Brene Brown

Being vulnerable is tricky, we can’t configure or manipulate our authenticity in any way to be accepted by another. We have to be happy with ourselves and then do the work at remaining genuine to attract the healthy relationships we deserve. Another major step is to not allow the years of self-protection from pain and toxic behavior that caused us to shut down and close people out prevent our progress to being a happier person.

Finally, I’d like to close with a video I watched and another part of the process of developing healthy friendships/relationships, Frientimacy: The 3 Requirements of All Healthy Friendships by Shasta Nelson

Thank you for reading my post, always live your life with your mind and heart connection in the forefront.

Self Narratives – Where They Come From and How to Change Them


“We are the sum total of our experiences. Those experiences, be they positive or negative, make us the person we are, at any given point in our lives. And, like a flowing river, those same experiences, and those yet to come, continue to influence and reshape the person we are, and the person we become. None of us are the same as we were yesterday, nor will be tomorrow.”-B.J. Neblett

We are born into stories, storytelling is a natural part of being human. The stories we develop and tell become our life story, they form our perception of everything and everyone we encounter, as well are our self-perception and our beliefs. The present state of our lives is a result of those stories.

Self narratives define our way of seeing who we believe we are, our sense of self-worth and what we believe we are capable of, they help us connect with others and how we empathize. As we grow into adults, our narratives become our perception of the world.

Not only are we storytellers, we are story listeners. Narratives are woven into our heads and throughout our lives become very real to us even if they are imagined or nothing like any situation we may have experienced. Whether we are aware of it or not, we combine all of the elements of our stories to create an explanation of our lives. Our imagination combined with these stories can either pull us into misconceptions and suffering or draw us into a life of happiness, love and positive outcomes. We are the authors of our stories.

While not all stories we are told or tell are wrong or harmful, they are the foundation for many of the circumstances that we live every day. Like everyone else, my stories come from a variety of sources where I’ve created visuals of myself and my abilities. The difference for me came with my journey into mindfulness which has helped me tremendously with my self-narratives, whether I’m creating stories about myself, the people around me or any experiences I have.

The internalized stories we tell ourselves are our own personal myths. Like myths, our stories are a combination of fact and what may or may not be conjecture. They have villains and heroes that either propel us forward or hold us back. We can figure out where those stories originated by reflecting, looking at each part of who we are and where that stems from. We can edit, revise and interpret those stories even if limited by facts, we can also rewrite them. Consider this, our lives, our stories and our health are inextricably interwoven.


How do you recognize the stories you tell yourself, and if they are getting in your way?

Start by thinking through who you are. Write it down.

What are your qualities?

What do you struggle with? Take time with this, perhaps even coming back to it a few days later.

Ask others how they perceive you.

What do they say you’re good at?

Recognize the things in your story that make you uncomfortable, things you don’t like to admit but feel are true

Challenge the story.

Are those things you want to change?

Focus on really understanding those aspects of your narrative. Think through where they came from.

What was the root cause?

Imagine what life would be like if these weren’t part of your narrative. What would be different? (From Introvert, Dearby Peter Ash)

Mindful Ways to Unravel your Self-Narratives

Determine parts of a narrative you want to change – whether your stories are about yourself, other people, habits that you have, beliefs that you follow, stories that you’ve been telling and what parts of it really represent you, the way you feel, the way you see things and how you believe, then rework the story into an uplifting and pleasing story that fits with who you are.

Call the Story Out – in other words whatever you’ve been telling yourself, rethink and rephrase it to self-supporting narratives. If your stories are out of sync with who you really are, it is important to rewrite them so you are consciously creating a positive visual you can align with. Each and every word we say projects an image of who we believe we are, how we treat ourselves and others, whether we act or react or if we live with a loving or harsh approach to live. The way to build a better world is to start within ourselves.

Empower Rather Disempower Yourself – Create a positive future for yourself by stepping outside of your comfort zone and rewriting your self-narratives. We are the only ones on our journey, writing our story as we proceed each day. Like the words you write, the thoughts you have and the words you speak can be transitioned to empowering and positive stories that manifest gifts into your life that meet your wants and needs and fulfill a positive image of who you are.

When you live mindfully, you’ll come to understand that life never happens to you, it happens for you, no matter what the event. Events are neutral, it is the way we perceive what happens and what we say about the events we live that determines their impact. You can’t not have a story. Think of yourself as in a constant, developing relationship with your life: view your life as a partner and a whole, rather than a series of circumstances and events. See your life as a canvas that can be re-painted any way and at any time. What story do you want to tell yourself and those around you?

Final thoughts, everything we say is based on our attitude. Neutralize life, see it as a span of time with an undetermined number of years to go through our life experiences. We can either adapt and endure with a reactive attitude to situations 24/7 or think of our life as a blank canvas, creating each part of our story as we go along, responding in any way that’s in line with who we are.

Jodie Rogers is a coach, facilitator and skills trainer guiding professionals, individuals and corporate teams who need clarity, momentum and greater self-awareness to enable change to happen.

Expert Advice from Benjamin Button: “It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. You can change or stay the same; there are no rules to this thing. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find you are not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

Thank you for reading my post, I appreciate your time.

Making Your Life What You Want it To Be

Self-discipline begins with the mastery of your thoughts, it you don’t control what you think, you can’t control what you do.  MoveMe Quotes

I believe we all forget whose in charge of our lives, especially when we’re in the midst of situations that overwhelm us or seem uncontrollable.  For me, it used to almost feel easier to just give up or go back to living unconsciously. But then I’d hear the voice in my heart telling me to keep trying, to make a choice, to use my wisdom and let goodness happen and I have. This is a gentle reminder that we don’t have to be unhappy or live with the belief that only some “lucky” people have a charmed and satisfying life.

Being in control of your life comes by believing in yourself and by not allowing the fear of obstacles, challenges or change stop you. Remember you have a choice and you can learn to get past the old belief that you’re not good enough to make a real contribution to the world.  Believing we’re here for a purpose can greatly reduce our suffering and the feeling of being out of control because even if we forget, we are always in the driver’s seat of the direction of our lives. This is where we can rise above the limited life we’ve allowed ourselves to live by doing something on behalf of ourselves because we know we are worth it.

I can say with confidence that you can experience the impossible and that leads you from misery to unexpected joy and peace. As with any spiritual endeavor, this way of believing is knowing that you’ll have to take steps out of your comfort zone and be okay with it. This is where we learn to power through fear, head on. Every time we experience the unknown, fear will try to sneak in to stop us and that’s okay. Don’t ignore it or try to avoid it, just don’t be swallowed up by fear. Allow yourself to be afraid and just keep reminding yourself that you can do this, take a deep breath and keep going. 

Here are some ideas to consider to master your life:

  • Rely more on your “sixth” sense
  • Put your happiness and health first
  • Live in the present moment
  • Create plans that are open to change because that is how life in the control seat is
  • Be okay with living out of your comfort zone
  • Stop thinking so much, have faith in the unseen
  • Believe in the impossible
  • Create some rituals or routines for a well-balanced life
  • Nothing is set in stone, you have choices
  • Obstacles are a part of the journey for you to rise above
  • Take time for stillness or meditation, this is truly powerful step
  • Pursue meaning over pleasure, a life of meaning is why we are here
  • Be imaginative, create outside the box
  • No matter how things look, keep your eyes on the prize of a purposeful life

I’d like to end with this powerful and profound quote:

“Never say that you can’t do something, or that something seems impossible, or that something can’t be done, no matter how discouraging or harrowing it may be; human beings are limited only by what we allow ourselves to be limited by: our own minds. We are each the masters of our own reality; when we become self-aware to this: absolutely anything in the world is possible.

Master yourself, and become king of the world around you. Let no odds, chastisement, exile, doubt, fear, or ANY mental viruses prevent you from accomplishing your dreams. Never be a victim of life; be it’s conqueror.” ― Mike Norton

Thank you for reading my post and your time.

Change your life in 2018, Laura

Find Your Voice, How to Consciously Speak Up for Yourself

Speaking up for ourselves, mindfully is being assertive without being aggressive.  It is a way to let others know how we feel by expressing ourselves with dignity, confidence and self-respect. It isn’t about being right or wrong, it is about intentionally speaking the truth authentically and sincerely without justifying ourselves.

It’s taken years for me to allow myself to be heard. I’ve spent most of my adult life smiling and remaining silent, the words seemed to be stuck in my throat. It is an injustice to our soul to remain silent. When we don’t speak up, we give our power away and it leads others to believe that we accept how things are and being taken advantage of.

We are so afraid of what others will think or that we’ll end up being alone, we tolerate the unacceptable. I’d never been taught how to speak my mind without fear or thoughtfully. My education came from life bringing people and situations that helped me to overcome those hurdles.

How to Purposefully Speak Up for Yourself

Be Open and Honest

Teach people how to treat you by being transparent when you communicate instead of agreeing or smiling just to keep the peace. It takes practice, but when you speak honestly without being complacent, intimidating and defensive people will be more open to hearing what you have to say. When you do speak be consistent and firm, it will shift every situation.

Be Truthful, Calmly

Speak with confidence, be assertive without aggression.  If a bill is incorrect, don’t let it go, call and dispute it.  If someone is aggressive with you, instead of reacting, respond calmly and thoughtfully by telling them how you feel. No one knows what you’re feeling until you speak up.

Don’t Be Afraid to Disagree

What others do or say has nothing to do with you. There are always people who thrive on trying to control others, intimidating or set in attack mode without taking others into consideration. Don’t cater to them by reacting with anger, shouting or intimidation. Speak up, take a breath, calmly express your perspective. Be sure to clarify what you’re saying and either listen to their response or end the conversation.

Practice Makes You Better

When anyone criticizes or pressures you to do something that isn’t in line with who you are or they’re negligent of your feelings, say something.  This may also mean ending relationships with people who don’t value you or your circumstances. Practice asking for what you need as often as you can.  Your life will only be better each time you enforce the new habit of consciously speaking your mind.

Your Time is Always Yours

Most of us have a hard time saying no to giving our time away.  I know I did for years, I would say yes when I wanted to say no because I wanted everyone to be happy. Don’t let obligations or your kindness get in the way of how you spend the hours in your day, you are the only one who is in control of your time. Break away from people or situations that absorb your precious time.

No One is Responsible for How you Feel or Act but You

No one can invalidate your opinions, you are in complete control of what you believe, how you feel, what you think and how you act. Remember that when you try to negate others point of view, they’re perception is as valid as yours.

I hope this is useful for you. I appreciate your time, thank you for reading my post.

A Self-Esteem Activity Including Ways to Enhance Your Confidence

Self Esteem Activity

How is your self-esteem?  Review the following statements, then indicate if they are True or False for you. After finishing, go back and check over your answers. Answer all of the questions to get a true picture of yourself.

This personal exercise is to help you to better understand your self-esteem. There are no right or wrong answers, this is just a way for you to gauge where you are and where you can relieve yourself of beliefs and unresolved issues holding you back from being who you truly are.

  1. I don’t feel adequate when I handle new situations.  True False
  2. I accept criticism without getting upset.  True False
  3. I accept myself unconditionally. True False
  4. I don’t exaggerate, pretend or lie. True False
  5. I am not afraid to express my feelings. True False
  6. I don’t feel resentful when I lose. True False
  7. I don’t worry about what other’s think about me. True False
  8. I don’t feel a victim. True False
  9. I accept my body as it is. True False
  10. I don’t need other people’s opinion to feel good about myself. True False
  11. I can stand up for myself without being aggressive. True False
  12. I don’t feel like a failure. True False
  13. I don’t feel guilty when I say “no”. True False
  14. I have good relationship with other people, I have no fear of abandonment. True False
  15. I don’t begrudge other people’s success. True False

Total Score 12-15 = You have a deep sense of worth, self-respect and live a balanced life.

Total Score 8-11 = You are on the right path, keep it up.

Total Score 7 -5 = You have a tendency toward self-criticism and to put yourself down. You’re afraid to take risks and make mistakes. You lack confidence.

Total Score < 4 = You are concerned with other people’s opinions and you may lack assertiveness. Your tendency is to ignore your needs because you want to please others. You might have self-destructive habits. You lack confidence, hide your true feelings and have problems establishing intimacy in relationships.

How Self-Esteem Can Affect Your Life

I struggled with self-esteem issues for years, trying to live up to an image of perfection that wasn’t who I was or honoring the beauty of my uniqueness. In all the years that I had a cynical view of myself, the relationships I had reflected how I treated myself. Since then I’ve spent some time concentrating on myself and things have improved notably. Raising your self-esteem isn’t easy when you’re drowning in comparisons and an accumulation of beliefs that you’re not good enough just as you are, but when you take the steps to dig into your shadows and rise above all of that, it is a magnificent feeling.

Advantages for a High Self-Esteem from Me and Henry Ford Allegiance Health

  1. Your expectations are more in line with reality, and as a result, you’re less critical of yourself and others
  2. You’re better able to handle stress (and avoid the unhealthy side effects that come with it)
  3. You’re less likely to develop an eating disorder
  4. You’re not as likely to battle feelings of worthlessness, guilt or shame
  5. You’re more likely to be assertive about expressing what you want, need or think
  6. You can build strong, honest relationships (and are less likely to stay in unhealthy ones)
  7. You have greater confidence in your ability to make good decisions.
  8. You bounce back more easily when it comes to life’s inevitable setbacks
  9. You’re more able to forgive yourself and others
  10. You will have a clearer sense of your values, worth, and integrity
  11. You will be less self-focused and more able to reach out to others 
  12. When you have a healthy self-esteem you will know yourself; be able to assess who you truly are, what your gifts are and ways to share them
  13. You will naturally love and accept yourself as you are, knowing that you can improve and develop any aspect of yourself that you choose

Secrets to Creating a Healthy Self Esteem and How to Apply Them

Live Consciously. Pay close attention to how you feel and the thoughts that come into your mind. Be aware of the view you hold of yourself and how it affects the way you act whether alone or with others.

Learn from Inaccurate Judgments.  I personally don’t believe in mistakes, we only know what we know. It is okay to say, “I was wrong or made an assumption”, own it and learn from it. We do the best we can with what we know, when we know better, we do better. You’ve discovered something about yourself and you will go forward a better person.

Listen To Other’s Point Of View without Judgment. It is easy to get caught up in our own opinion, even if it’s negative. Asking for and listening to other points of view can help you to realize your own truth and what you have intuitively known all along. It also helps you to realize that when someone offers their opinion it is based on their perception and life experiences. A good way to express your opinion in a non confrontational way, “from my personal experience or based on what I’ve learned.”

Take Care Of Yourself Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually. Taking care of yourself should be focused on your physical, intellectual and spiritual well-being to create new behaviorsWe all have choices, it is up to us to take responsibility for our over-all well-being. 

Take Responsibility for Your Life. Not owning up to our actions keeps us stuck, feeling miserable and unhappy.  Wayne Dyer said, “No matter how much I protest, I am totally responsible for everything that happens to me in my life”. Keeping this in mind will help you to create a different way of seeing things and being.

Speak and Act from Your Own Convictions. Be authentic and true to who you are and your values. Speak up and empower yourself to take control of your life. I guarantee you will feel better about yourself.

Have a Sense of Purpose & Direction. What do you want and where is your life going?  It is necessary to develop a sense of direction and focus on what you want to create a healthy self-esteem. 

Meditate Daily. Whether you take a walk in nature or meditate in a quiet and serene environment, take time to be still. This practice is vital to your mental and physical well-being and self-confidence.

Visualization – Use your ability to visualize your ideal situation, work, home, family, health, etc. See it in your mind as you would if it were real and the way your life would look, ideally. Visualizing is a great way to help create the life you want and stay focused in a positive way.

Forgive. Forgiving is never for anyone but yourself. Not forgiving is like carrying a heavy load without any relief, it is difficult and painful to move forward with your life. Forgiving is putting all of your baggage behind you and lightening your load. 

Avoid ‘should’ statements. If you find that your thoughts are concentrated on shoulds, it is time to let go of them, and the unreasonable rules you’ve held for yourself. Instead embrace new ways to enhance your life and the unique person that you are.

Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Remind yourself of things that have gone well. This is a way to help steer you away from the tendency to be negative about yourself and your abilities.

Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. Whether the changes are in your relationships, your lifestyle or within you, give yourself a pat on the back for taking the necessary steps to view yourself in a healthier and honest way.

  I decided to by happy for the rest of my life because it is good for my health, Voltaire

Thank you for taking time to stop by. I appreciate any ideas or thoughts you have about self-esteem or any questions that you have.

 

Loving Yourself First

 

self-loveBefore you can love others, you must love yourself first and foremost. Speak only lovingly to yourself and about yourself, there are a multitude of benefits that you will experience with a boost to your self-esteem.

Here are some ways to get started:

  1. Make yourself a priority
  2. Stop comparing yourself to others
  3. List your strengths and focus on them
  4. De-clutter your surroundings
  5. Become active, walk, run, swim
  6. Express yourself creatively doing whatever makes you happy cooking, pottery, photography, dancing, art
  7. Surround yourself with positive people who will support you
  8. Be your own best friend, take a deep breath and know you’re doing the best that you can
  9. Be true to you, enjoy the unique beautiful person that you are

How does resistance to self-love show up in your life? Are you staying with someone who you aren’t aligned with? Are you staying in a job that you are unhappy with? Is your health idling? Are you stuck in the problems of your life?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, then it is time to embrace love for yourself. Then the actions you take will not only benefit you, but everyone involved. What you’re effecting is an act of compassion to yourself that spreads like wildfire to everyone around you.

Kindness and love are natural to us. When you show compassion toward yourself then you’re helping to create a more peaceful and loving world.

Thank you for stopping by, namaste

Listen to your inner voice, with grace, grit & a sense of humor

your-always-had-the-power

It pays to have a sense of humor, I laugh when I think of the times my inner voice was talking to me, and I didn’t pay attention. Has your gut “said” “don’t drive that way” or “don’t answer the door or take that call” and you did anyway? Every time I’ve ignored my inner voice or intuition, there was a lesson for me and a message that was even more powerful, “LISTEN, when your little voice talks to you.”

Your gut instinct or inner voice will always guide you in the right direction, I would like to share a story when I did listen.

I had been living like a nomad for nearly two years when the final but pivotal living situation pushed me to take action. I knew I was ready to find a place of my own to live, but like everyone I was nervous and not sure what to do. The place had to be close to work, within walking distance to shops, restaurants and someplace fun to go. I began the search on my own then I told a coworker what I was faced with, she offered to help. Even though I knew what I wanted, there were people who wanted me to just find someplace to live, but I had to tune them out determined that I was going to find the right place. Then things turned when the woman who was helping me had a rental in the perfect location with an obstacle, I would need a roommate. My mind raced, I wasn’t sure who that could be. Then I recalled a conversation with a friend who was in a spot and had asked me to be her roommate. I had said no, thinking at the time I was fine on my own, but my inner voice said, “She is waiting to hear from you”, so I sent her a message and voila, she was on board.  We moved in together a few weeks later.

There are many stories out there like mine, our inner GPS is always talking to us.  It helps to remember that paying attention to your inner voice requires humor, grit, grace and a sense of calm and the answers will come to you.  We all have the power and ability to create a life that is unique to who we are but it helps to be open to the unexpected and unplanned and go with it. We have been taught by the people n our lives to “take charge and grab the bull by the horns” and force the outcome to whatever situation we are faced with, but that usually results in unhappiness along with a load of obstacles, problems and hidden issues that we couldn’t have possibly known about.

Listening to your inner voice is natural, if you teach yourself to pay attention to your gut and the way you feel.  Here are a few tips:

  1. Spend time alone in nature.  This one tip is a gold mine, it is easier to sort through your feelings and tune out the outside influences to get to relax, have fun and some time to get to the core of what you want and what is in your heart.
  2. Meditate: This is a great tool to aid in getting to the root of your soul. More than just closing your eyes and reflecting, meditation, however you choose to do it, allows your mind to quiet so you’re able to connect with your innermost feelings.
  3. Stand up for what you want.  No one knows you or what you need better than you. Well-meaning family and friends have the idea that their opinions and experiences are what you need to hear to avoid making mistakes, being hurt or coming up against a disastrous outcome. That is the time when you must be determined to stand up for what you want and what is right for you.
  4. Have a sense of humor – If you run into obstacles or experience setbacks, have a sense of humor to help you get through whatever comes up,  it isn’t easy but it is the healthiest way, laughter truly is the best medicine.

Thank you, namaste.

 

Self-Sabotage – When part of who you are acts in conflict with another part of you

stop-self-sabotage-behaviour

Self-sabotage is not always apparent, it can show up as disease, stress, anger, depression, etc. The discovery of it and healing it is life changing. From my experience, you may gain feelings of self-empowerment, feel good about yourself, release toxic situations and people from your life, care more about what you think than what others do and finally know what harmony and inner peace feels like.

When you’re in conflict with yourself and desperately trying to push through whatever your faced with just know that you’re not alone. Self-sabotage is a common, little discussed, persistent problem many of us are dealing with.  You will know in your heart when you’ve had enough and you’re sick and tired of feeling out of control of your life.

There are overt forms of dependency and self-abuse such as alcohol, drugs, food, etc.  Then there are more subtle forms of dependency such as denial of self-love, lousy relationships, being solitary, anger, lashing out, etc. I realized this just recently when I had an epiphany that I was conditionalizing the love for myself based on my performance and my inability to be more spiritual than what I thought I was.  The truth is I am always spiritual and always doing the best I can, as we all are, we just have to realize our worth and just be.

I am very familiar with self-sabotage, in my case my crutch only made me fat and a target for a variety of diseases. I ate a lot, when I was upset, when I was angry, when I was sad, when I didn’t know what to do, etc. I always managed to consume enough to shove those feelings of inadequacy away. I’ve lived with self-sabotage for years and I didn’t know it. When eating didn’t work anymore, I choose to see myself as a victim. I judged and blamed myself and the other person for the way my life was. I allowed the problems and problem people to swallow me and my life up. Somehow I always managed to avoid the truth of being in constant conflict with myself .

My solutions finally came when I realized I was worthy of being at peace and enjoying my life.  I did inner work, lived my truth by accepting myself as I was and learning to love myself enough to no longer berate and abuse myself with words I would never say to my friends or family. While I cannot tell you how to solve whatever form of self-sabotage you’ve lived with or how to stop the addiction you’re leaning on to help you through, I do know that it is possible to find your way out, to rise above it and move on with your life.

It takes time and perseverance to conquer this way of being, but I can suggest a few ways you can try.

  1. Stop yourself from thinking about whatever you’re faced with and go do something to help you relax
  2. In place of trying to “figure” it out, go inside to find out what triggers you
  3. Go out into nature to really hear what your instincts are trying to tell you
  4. Create a private video blog or journal to get the root of your self-sabotage
  5. The actual issues matter less than the why you continually sabotage yourself and why it is dominating your life
  6. What you feel matters, allow yourself to feel sad, angry, upset, whatever feelings arise let them, just don’t get swallowed up by them, once you feel it, acknowledge them then move on
  7. Talk with someone you trust to help you find the right solution
  8. Seek professional help if that is what you know you should do
  9. No matter what anyone in your life has experienced, you have the right to choose what you know in your heart is right for you.

 

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The disclaimer provides that this article is merely information – not advice. If readers need medical advice, they should consult a doctor or other appropriate medical professional. The disclaimer also provides that no warranties are given in relation to the information supplied on the blog site, and that no liability will accrue to the content owner in the event that a user suffers loss as a result of reliance upon the information.

How to Not to Live a Lie

elements-of-innocence-final

Be yourself as an innocent child trust that the real you is enough and never apologize for who you are LP

When I began my consciousness journey several years ago, I made choices that I made based on the approval of those that I thought knew more than I did or appeared to be more consciously aware then I was.  I spent the next several years reading books, taking lots of classes and being involved with groups and practices that offered something that I thought I needed to make me like them.  I compromised myself and my beliefs because I didn’t think I was good enough, not spiritual enough or wise enough.  The truth is I was all of those things, I just needed to believe I was.

A few ways I’ve found helpful to stop living a lie:

  • Love yourself a lot, know that love is really all there is, live your life wrapped in it

  • Honor your individuality by being yourself always

  • Follow the wisdom of your heart, no matter what everyone else tells you, your heart knows what is right for you

  • Maintain your integrity and who you are by surrounding yourself with people who don’t want to change you into someone else

  • Live spherically, in other words, live all areas of your life authentically: your work, your personal life, your relationships whatever you do and whoever your with, be yourself

  • Listen to your inner voice, trust it and know that it knows best, no matter what others think or say

  • Be true to your values and ethics, never compromise them no matter what. Trust me on this one, it is one of the most important steps to stop living a lie

  • Trust your choices, even if not every one doesn’t work out as you thought they would, the lessons will be invaluable for your growth.  Even though people in your life may seem to know more or have other ideas for how you should choose, their opinions and advice come from their personal experiences and beliefs

I am a photographer who loves nature.  I’ve been a photographer for years and have gotten really good at what I do. But because of my lack of confidence, I spent years holding back because I was intimidated by photographers who were far more experienced than I am.  Then one day a woman I knew suggested that I enter one of my images in a contest.  I decided to take a leap of faith when I found a site that held many contests along with offering a place to showcase my images.  I was nervous and unsure of myself but I created a profile and took one baby step at a time. Each day I added an image and surprisingly the members, who are all photographers, showed interest in them and started awarding them.  I took the next step which was to enter my images in contests, not to win, but to gain more visibility, it worked better than I imagined.  That was nearly a year ago, now my confidence is soaring, my focus is now on learning from all of the photographers I am connected with instead of being daunted by their experience, I honor it and know that they are helping me to become as good as they are.

If you resonate with any part of my story, then you too can break out of the cycle of disbelief, lack of confidence and conformity by just trusting yourself, trusting that who you are is enough.  We  have been told to believe that we have to become like someone else for so long that we don’t even know who we are anymore.  It took a few years and Universe stepping to push me forward before I finally got it.  It’s okay, you’re okay, you really are.

Thank you for stopping by, feel free to share your insights and stories.

 

 

 

The Ultimate Love

Healthy Attitude

You are worthy because you were born. Gary Zukav

Even if you don’t believe it now, you were born a masterpiece, your self-worth is the foundation for a happy life.  To be less preoccupied with your body image and more aware of your soul or your spirit requires that you change your focus from your physical or external appearance to your heart and inner voice. In other words, instead of being absorbed with your body image, shift your thoughts to being dedicated to loving your essence and your soul’s development, the spirit and joy of who you are and the reason you’re alive.

When you have positive self-esteem, you’re connecting  with your highest self.  When you have a low or no self-esteem, you are absorbed with your outward appearance which supports thoughts of your image that inevitably holds you back from the life you are here to experience.

Do you feel unfulfilled or unhappy with your life and think that there is nothing about you that is lovable or worthy?  Rather than criticizing or judging yourself, imagine yourself as a painting, you can choose to replace what doesn’t feel good with what does. Eliminating low self-esteem is a process, one belief, one feeling and one thought at a time.  What took years to develop will take time and effort on your part, all you have to do is take tiny steps every day to heal and allow your true essence to appear.

Self Love

The Creation of a Healthy Self Esteem

Self-esteem is created by your thoughts, relationships and life experiences. Developing a healthy self-esteem includes cultivating a positive emotional well-being, becoming assertive, resilient and creating a new belief system.  It is learning to love yourself unconditionally.  You freely give love to your family and friends, why not give it to yourself.  After all, if you don’t love yourself, how can you love anyone else?

There are two primary reasons why self-awareness is so important:

  • It will help you to observe yourself and create a life free from self-judgment and criticism. (How can you best respond to what you cannot clearly and objectively see?)
  • It helps you to see yourself as you truly are and discover your authentic self. Isn’t it about time you started to get to know yourself?

Be Attentive to Your Needs. Is your self-talk encouraging you to ignore your needs because you tend to concentrate on living up to other’s expectations or unrealistic expectations you have created for yourself?  As children, we were conditioned to believe that what other people thought about us was more important than what we felt inside, who we truly were. In order for you to build a positive self-esteem requires that you listen to your intuition or gut instinct, sensations and insights.  Setting time aside each day to be alone with your thoughts will help you to develop that sense of awareness.

Dr. Wayne Dyer explains:

Here are the major perceptions of those who know they are worthy and deserving of all of God’s blessings:

  • My self-esteem comes from myself. (As a child of God, my worthiness is a given.)
  • I accept myself without complaint and without conditions.
  • I take full responsibility for my life and what it is and is not. (I blame no one.)
  • I do not choose to accept guilt into my life. (I live in the present moment.)
  • I understand the importance of having harmony between my thoughts, my feelings, and my behavior. (This harmony translates into peace and contentment.)

Your soul wants to experience harmony and peace.  When you can connect with that concept and the realization that your soul is the truth and magnificence of who you are, you will exude that beauty and confidence to everyone around you and the world. Wayne Dyer

Peace and love, namaste. (to be continued)