Unbecoming Who You Are Not, and a Nod to Women’s History Month

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s unbecoming everything that isn’t you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” — Paulo Coelo

Becoming begins when we’re born when our brains aren’t fully developed and we are completely dependent upon the people around us. We tend to take on the characteristics of those caregivers to meet our basic needs and subsist. When we’re young and vulnerable we want to be accepted. Without understanding how they treat others, those closest to us most unfavorable traits such as hostility, lack of self esteem, anger and indifference can be absorbed into our “DNA”. Those traits reinforce adverse behaviors in ourselves such as low self esteem, self-criticism, fear and uncertainty.

The trick to unbecoming takes time, reflection and a huge dose of honesty. In my experience, the last part, honesty, is major. Being completely honest with ourselves takes us out of our comfort zone, but isn’t that where we need to go in order to peel away years of accepting, without question, who we are?

My story is unique but the path I took felt right for me. Unbecoming who I was has been a challenge and a joy. It began seriously for me when my mother passed away. I was fairly close with her so she was the caregiver I emulated most. A large part of my agreement to stifle myself was my belief that I needed her acceptance and approval. Then in 2013 when she died, I felt lost and adrift; I had no idea why, that’s when things broke open for me. I didn’t know who I really was, what I wanted, what I feared or what my reality was. As my “roller coaster” journey to self-realization began, I was eventually able to see that everything I did and how I saw myself was made by a former self I could no longer identify with. As time passed and the layers of the past fell away I began to feel at peace, happier and completely comfortable with the life choices I was making.

I would say that’s the key, when you feel complete peace, happy and comfortable, you’re on your way to unbecoming who you aren’t. When you step out of your comfort zone, letting go of what doesn’t feel right or good is a rite of passage for your soul. Connecting with your truth opens the door to a life that’s authentic and unique. It’s certainly not easy or something you can plan, it’s a matter of unlearning everything about yourself that you’ve just accepted. Just Imagine how much more meaningful your life will be when you’re living as the person your were born to be.

“That inner voice has both gentleness and clarity. So to get to authenticity, you really keep going down to the bone, to the honesty, and the inevitability of something.” – Meredith Monk

No one can tell you how to unbecome the person you aren’t or tell you how to let go of the ways that aren’t true to who you really are, but when you have the idea or notion of what’s possible, things will begin to slowly change and you will then allow who you really are to be liberated. Once the voyage to self authenticity begins, it will be your way of living for the rest of your life. Michael Bryant has quite a story to share of his brokenness and his unbecoming, it is well worth your time to listen.

Women’s History Month

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  Hedy Lamar

Hedy Lamar was a glamourous, beautiful movie star, but she was also highly intelligent, ideas for inventions came naturally to her. The patent she filed with co-inventor George Antheil aimed to protect their war-time invention for radio communications to ‘hop’ from one frequency to another, so that Allied torpedoes couldn’t be detected by the Nazis. She was the ingenious inventor who planted a seed that would blossom into some of today’s most ubiquitous technology, including Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, GPS, cordless phones and cell phones.

To honor all the women I know and I’m connected with, whether you’re famous or not, your life matters, you are strong, empathetic and you make a difference. We are all “she-roes” in our own way.

A New Way to Stop Overplanning; Living One Day at a Time

“One day at a time- this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.” — Ida Scott Taylor

Before I relaxed into a natural life of consciousness, I was so focused on my past “mistakes” and how my future was going to go.  No matter what I did, the past never changed and my future plans had a mind of their own. It was truly exhausting living that way.  I had no idea that I was letting the moment I was in slip into oblivion.  The growing and learning process was slow with many challenges that kept pulling me into understanding that the moment I was in was precious and the only thing that I was sure of.  Now my life is focused on living one day at a time, never letting what I’ve experienced in the past or what may come in the future stop me from enjoying my life right now.

Years ago, I tried a suggested practice someone defines as living backward in time. Its not new for some, but for many people it is a different way of treating life. Living backward means living in the now as if it’s the future that you envision. Setting an intention means thinking forward in time, living in the present means being here now. A way to manage both is to combine the two. That is living “as if”, instead of “what if”and I can attest that it’s very effective. For example, instead of going on a diet to lose weight because your overweight with the potential of gaining it back, live as if you’re 15 pounds lighter, living healthier and the owner of a different lifestyle, your entire way of living and thinking will be forever changed.

Here are several suggestions that I’ve used to re-adjust my thinking to a backward way of living.

1. Accept uncertainty. It’s impossible to predict the future
2. Take action, talking about changing usually requires less energy than actually doing it
   
3. Stay focused on the day. Start with letting go of planning every minute of your day and go with the flow, I do this very successfully and actually get more done
4. When engaging with people, put your full attention on them and your conversation, no more half listening or allowing any distractions 
   
5. Always have a positive and expectant attitude, smile often, life has a million possibilities
6. Forgive forgive, forgive past hurts, forgiving is not allowing a person to get away with something, it is about removing yourself from the situation completely and freeing yourself be present and move on
7. Stop worrying, whatever happens tomorrow, happens, worrying doesn’t change anything and makes it harder for you to maintain your sanity and be present
8. Let go of past accomplishments, don’t let whatever successes you’ve had in the past interfere with your present, however great they were, they don’t define you or what your capable of
9. Create your intention now as if it is already successful and the way you envision your future life and dream big

To help me to stay aligned with this way of life, I practice the following habitually so I never slip back into an old, ineffective way of living.  These powerful practices are simple and very effective.

• Meditate – There are lots of ways to meditate, rather than just lying or sitting still, you can walk, dance, write, listen to music while allowing your mind to go blank and just be, I do it all of the time and find myself thinking less, moving through my day mindfully and so at peace.
  
• No Next – imagine that there is no next event, next task, next person or next anything to get to. Invite yourself to stop preparing or getting ready for something else to come. Deliberately remove all elses. Meet now with nowhere and nothing else still to get to. This practice helps you to stay focused on what you’re doing or who your engaging with.

• See Everything as a Teacher. When you’re feeling frustrated with someone, stressed by work, upset or grieving about a difficult situation or the health of a loved one, just feeling anxious about anything, pause and see this person or situation as a teacher. I find that when you ask yourself what can I learn from what’s going on then the mind is focused on a solution for peace of mind in the moment.

1. The Power of Self-Reflection – Asking yourself questions keeps you focused on self-improvement and ensures that you are as fulfilled as possible.  What attachments can you see in yourself that are causing you to project to the future or relive the past? What stories are you telling yourself that are causing you to feel this way? What can you let go of? What can you appreciate about this moment that you’re taking for granted? 

We create our lives, so now decide the kind of life you would like to create for yourself and what that life would look like. Then, live it now as if that life and lifestyle were yours already.

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” ~ Buddha.

Thank you for reading my post and your time.

Celebrate Your Dream – Create a Space that Inspires You

Your attitude and mindset are the most vital components in the pursuit of your dreams. How you wake up, spend your precious time and how you sleep at night are the catalysts for living an inspired life.  Your perception of yourself, beliefs and feelings about life are physically manifested in the space you call home.

Imagining and creating give us a sense of purpose – Tony Wagner

Creativity is an important component of pursuing your dream, it makes you happier, less stressed, more equipped and resilient when it comes to problem-solving in challenging situations.

An easy way to express creativity is to design your space using color, style and placement of the items you choose so wherever you call home can be an inspiration for your dreams. Someone I saw on a show recently said, “Where you lay your head at night can set the foundation for every aspect of your life“, I have to agree with that 100% because I know it to be true. When you create your surroundings with the intention and purpose of aligning yourself with your dreams, it makes an extraordinary difference in how you feel about yourself and your life.

Use these helpful tips below to get started with your space creation:

1. Don’t analyze or choose what you “should” like or what is trending.
2. Go with your gut and pin or clip things that you instantly respond to. You’ll pare them down later and, when you do, you’ll find common threads without even trying to make it happen.
3. Take your time and enjoy the process.

My Choice to Live Minimally

Because my focus now is my photography/lifestyle business, I choose to live very simply. I’ve consciously made a choice to be surrounded only by items I love, colors that speak to me and my unique style. Everything in my space has been selected very carefully.  I’ve allowed myself to feel something before I bought, which has made a huge difference in what I do have. My surroundings are also clutter-free, so my space is not only inspirational but harmonious and peaceful.  If I don’t use something or need it, I get rid of it.

Minimalism is a tool to rid yourself of life’s excess in favor of focusing on what’s important—so you can find happiness, fulfillment, and freedom. The Minimalists

A Space for Dreaming:

• Encourage yourself and design a space for dreaming, whether you live with people or have a space of your own, find a place where you can use colors and objects that you choose, even if it is a corner of a room.

 

• Lighting is foremost, so make sure you choose wisely. Natural lighting in any room makes a huge difference, so choose window coverings to optimize the light and place furniture to take advantage of it. The combination of natural and soft lighting and candles helps to fuel your inspiration. Use natural oils and incense to fragrance the room, it makes a room feel magical.

 

Photo courtesy of Evija-Roberts Blog

• Choose colors that you love and are inspired by. Color is the most tangible way to express yourself.  Remember to use bright and vivid colors sensibly such as on one wall, in throw pillows, a bed throw, or cover, decorator items or in curtains, too much of it can overwhelm you.  When you combine neutrals with color it will make the room an expression of you rather than the star, that is you, always.

Photo courtesy of Trendir

• Use natural items, such as wood, cotton fabrics, plants, a water feature, metal, whatever you can find to help your space feel like you’ve invited nature indoors. Because we feel most connected in nature, bringing it into your space is motivation to be more authentic and true to what you are and your purpose in life.

This is part of my room, I found the dresser at a thrift shop, I fell in love the moment I saw it. To highlight the beautiful wood, I use soft lighting with a beautiful vintage style lamp, one of my photographs designed intentionally in warm tones and a lovingly handmade wooden bookcase that all inspire me.

• Create a place with your dreams and intentions written where you can see them, it will spark your imagination, keep you focused and create a happy place to be a constant reminder of your plans.  One way to do that is to write them out and frame them.

Finally, declutter, this one act can improve your health, emotionally and physically, rapidly.  Here are some tips to declutter and the benefits from mindbodygreen.com.

HOW TO DECLUTTER

When we declutter around here, I use a method that I learned from a home improvement, when going through a room, we separate things into three categories:

• keep
• donate
• trash/recycling

For whatever reason, separating things this way helps me work through junk drawers, backs of closets and corners of rooms that I’ve been ignoring for months. I hope it helps you, too!

It can also be helpful to keep your eye on the prize. Decluttering feels good, when it’s done, and keeping the important benefits of decluttering below in mind can help you stay on track during the “it gets worse before it gets better” part of the process.

BENEFITS OF DECLUTTERING

1. Less clutter equals less stress.

A cluttered home can make you feel disorganized and out of control. There’s something just plain calming about a tidy living space.

Clutter also makes it easier to lose things, which can be stressful. Have you ever torn apart the house looking for your keys, only to find them under a pile of papers on your desk that shouldn’t have been there in the first place? Just me?

2. You’ll save money.

A prime example of clutter costing money just popped up in my kitchen last night. My husband came home from work with a bag of groceries, including a box of green tea. This box looked incredibly familiar to me, and we discovered that, buried under a mountain of spice jars and other boxes of tea in the pantry, we had another (unopened) box of that exact same tea.

An extra $4 box of tea might not seem like much, but little things like that happen all the time when your living space is cluttered, and those small expenses add up.

3. There will be less cleaning to do.

Less clutter means less housework. It means fewer knickknacks to collect dust and fewer places for dust bunnies to hide. According to the National Cleaning Institute (formerly the National Soap and Detergent Association), clutter can add up to 40 percent to the amount of housework you have to handle.

Forty percent seems pretty high, but even if you’re just shaving 10-15 minutes of dusting off of your cleaning routine, I think decluttering is worth it.

4. Reducing clutter makes you more productive.

Decluttering your home can streamline your life, which gives you more time to get things done. Have you ever been late to work because your kid couldn’t decide on what pair of pants to wear? Or maybe you are still hunting for those keys that are under that pile of paper on your desk (still just me?).

When you have less clutter, you avoid these little hold-ups that make you late, derail your plans and interrupt your creative flow.

5. It’s good for your kids, young and grown.

If your kids are still living at home, clutter can cause them stress and hurt their productivity, just like it does to you. In extreme cases, it can cause your kids extreme anxiety.

This isn’t something we like to think about, but our clutter impacts our kids, even after they move out of the house. As we get older and less able to care for ourselves, that clutter is going to become our kids’ problem. Many adults I know stress about their parents’ cluttered homes, especially if their parents aren’t in the best health.

This kind of stress is tough on its own, but it also comes with a side dish of guilt, because they feel selfish for dwelling on what seems like such a small thing. 

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to finally tackle that embarrassing pile of papers on my desk and donate some knick-knacks to the thrift store this weekend.

Thank you for reading my post, I appreciate your time.

 

Competition, Thief of Joy

Life for us has become an endless succession of contests. From the moment the alarm clock rings until sleep overtakes us again, from the time we are toddlers until the day we die, we are busy struggling to outdo others. This is our posture at work and at school, on the playing field and back at home. It is the common denominator of American life. Alfie Kohn

The title of this blog almost sounds like a misnomer because the majority of the human race thinks of competition as sports, games, fun, winning a medal or a trophy and as being a winner.  How can competition rob us of the enjoyment and pleasure we feel when it appears to bestow us with a high of being number one.

But, I ask that you think back throughout your life whenever you were involved in anything competitive, how did you feel when someone else won?

I’ve reflected on competition for a long time especially when the biggest and most well-known competition, the Olympics began.  I don’t watch the games but I realized that there are only a handful of “winners” and there are hundreds of people who no one hears about, people who didn’t place or win who worked just as hard as the few on top. People are mesmerized for two weeks with the glamour of the entertainment and energy of the games, but once they’re over, it’s all forgotten as we get on with our lives.  Interestingly, all of the people participating spend most of their lives focused on training and preparing to win and for that one big moment, then it’s over.  The winners stand on the podium and are handed a medal and the world applauds.  There is monetary gain for only a small percentage of the athletes who are given an opportunity for endorsements, the rest are forgotten and go back to their lives. Do we ever hear about or know how those who didn’t win feel or how their life went afterward?

Through my research,  I’ve learned that cooperation not competition is our natural state of being.  We aren’t born hostile with the intention of bringing someone else down, that behavior is handed down from one generation to the next. We unnaturally push ourselves to best someone because we’re taught that being a winner is the best.  But, in truth, competition is filled with selfishness while we hope for the downfall of others, it is filled with anxiety, stress and pressure. Once we start down the road of winning, once is never enough, it almost becomes necessary for our confidence and self-esteem, putting us in a constant state competitive power.

Emerging research shows that competition is deleterious in many ways.

• With children, competition serves to dissolve self-confidence and spread self-doubt, even among frequent winners who learn to become dependent on external sources of validation.
• Among adults, competition leads directly to hostility and greed, both of which are the enemies of progress.

If we want to advance our society and ourselves, we must learn that competition is not the path to victory — cooperation is. Tiffany Rowe

I’m  not competitive by nature, when playing games, I enjoy the process more than who wins or loses.  Putting that in context, for me the journey in any competition is more rife with tools to learn, skill building and enjoyment.

There are many tribal societies that thrive on cooperative living and have endured for centuries.  Competition as a whole encourages greed, betrayal, to be better than others, the importance of being a winner, the lack of compassion, cooperation and most of all an absence of kindness. Competition is toxic in relationships, in business, education, in all of life. There is no benefit when someone feels inferior, lacks self-confidence, is depressed or believes they aren’t good enough. I believe it is time to instill cooperation and encourage each other to be the best person we can be.

The  result of competition is radical climate change, biological and nuclear warfare, rampant habitat destruction, water shortages, and extremes in global wealth and poverty. Louise Palmer

Cooperation is beneficial not to a few but to everyone, here are some of the advantages:

1. Cooperative Play – A bond is formed when challenge, discovery and success is shared by everyone.
2.  Cooperative Learning and Work –  When we compete whether at work or in school, we are invested in ourselves and what will benefit us without giving thought to anyone else, we consider everyone our rival.  But, when we cooperate, we support and help each other, giving each individual value and respect. Rather than striving to be number one, the intention is that everyone succeed, it shifts us away from greed, selfishness, aggression, anger and hurt feelings. Cooperation creates an environment of unity, openness, honesty and trust.
3. Cooperative Activities for our Well-Being  – Competition causes enormous stress, anxiety, hostility, embarrassment and tension, can you imagine the state of our health? Cooperative activities create an atmosphere of play, relaxation and enjoying ourselves without judgment, the foundation for healthy and playful fun.

I’d like to conclude with this very powerful quote:

We destroy the love of learning in children, which is so strong when they are small, by encouraging and compelling them to work for petty and contemptible rewards–gold stars, or papers marked 100 and tacked to the wall, or A’s on report cards, or honor rolls, or dean’s lists, or Phi Beta Kappa keys–in short, for the ignoble satisfaction of feeling that they are better than someone else.  John Holt

Thank you, I appreciate your time.

Laura

Blessings and Seasons Greetings to You All

My life has changed so dramatically this year. I am sincerely grateful for the gift of change and the opportunities to be more loving and to accept love and kindness.

Mandy and I are enjoying the holiday season with my family this year. Thank you for following my blog and for your support. I wish everyone a season of love and kindness.

Holiday Greetings from Wyoming

 

Making Your Life What You Want it To Be

Self-discipline begins with the mastery of your thoughts, it you don’t control what you think, you can’t control what you do.  MoveMe Quotes

I believe we all forget whose in charge of our lives, especially when we’re in the midst of situations that overwhelm us or seem uncontrollable.  For me, it used to almost feel easier to just give up or go back to living unconsciously. But then I’d hear the voice in my heart telling me to keep trying, to make a choice, to use my wisdom and let goodness happen and I have. This is a gentle reminder that we don’t have to be unhappy or live with the belief that only some “lucky” people have a charmed and satisfying life.

Being in control of your life comes by believing in yourself and by not allowing the fear of obstacles, challenges or change stop you. Remember you have a choice and you can learn to get past the old belief that you’re not good enough to make a real contribution to the world.  Believing we’re here for a purpose can greatly reduce our suffering and the feeling of being out of control because even if we forget, we are always in the driver’s seat of the direction of our lives. This is where we can rise above the limited life we’ve allowed ourselves to live by doing something on behalf of ourselves because we know we are worth it.

I can say with confidence that you can experience the impossible and that leads you from misery to unexpected joy and peace. As with any spiritual endeavor, this way of believing is knowing that you’ll have to take steps out of your comfort zone and be okay with it. This is where we learn to power through fear, head on. Every time we experience the unknown, fear will try to sneak in to stop us and that’s okay. Don’t ignore it or try to avoid it, just don’t be swallowed up by fear. Allow yourself to be afraid and just keep reminding yourself that you can do this, take a deep breath and keep going. 

Here are some ideas to consider to master your life:

• Rely more on your “sixth” sense
• Put your happiness and health first
• Live in the present moment
• Create plans that are open to change because that is how life in the control seat is
• Be okay with living out of your comfort zone
• Stop thinking so much, have faith in the unseen
• Believe in the impossible
• Create some rituals or routines for a well-balanced life
• Nothing is set in stone, you have choices
• Obstacles are a part of the journey for you to rise above
• Take time for stillness or meditation, this is truly powerful step
• Pursue meaning over pleasure, a life of meaning is why we are here
• Be imaginative, create outside the box
• No matter how things look, keep your eyes on the prize of a purposeful life

I’d like to end with this powerful and profound quote:

“Never say that you can’t do something, or that something seems impossible, or that something can’t be done, no matter how discouraging or harrowing it may be; human beings are limited only by what we allow ourselves to be limited by: our own minds. We are each the masters of our own reality; when we become self-aware to this: absolutely anything in the world is possible.

Master yourself, and become king of the world around you. Let no odds, chastisement, exile, doubt, fear, or ANY mental viruses prevent you from accomplishing your dreams. Never be a victim of life; be it’s conqueror.” ― Mike Norton

Thank you for reading my post and your time.

Change your life in 2018, Laura

A New Beginning for Me, Returning Home – Part 2 Unanticipated Bravery

 

I arrived safely at my first destination in Wyoming.  The trip was a three and a half day adventure I will never forget. I hope that my determination to be happy and live life my way can inspire you to be brave.

There is nothing more liberating for the soul than to allow yourself to be braver than you’ve ever been in your life.  I’d been living in an unimaginably difficult situation  I realized I couldn’t change, so I finally opened up and shared my circumstances and my sister and brother-in-law who threw me a life line to help me.  A life lesson from this experience is no matter how awakened we are, we cannot always handle difficult situations on our own. In fact, the help I got to leave was the best decision for both myself and the other person involved, I knew it was the right and only thing to do.

I realized I had to do whatever it took, no matter how scared I was not only for myself but for the people I love.  It takes courage and belief in the impossible to look past a situation we are in to do what is necessary for ourselves.  Being brave in my way of seeing things means we have to love ourselves enough to know we are worthy of the best life we can have, no matter what we are faced with.

Being brave is letting go of fear of the unknown, because everything we need will be there for us, it was for me. I’d considered ways out of my situation many times, but I held off on the obvious solution because I was sure I could never do it, but I did it and while there were unexpected challenges along the way, I kept going knowing that I was on my way to a better life.

I  believe that everything happens for a reason.  When I was helped by the kindness of my family, I knew I wanted to extend kindness any way I could to pay it forward. When you’re life doesn’t feel right or good,  love yourself enough to be braver than you’ve ever been and do what you know is right. My advice to anyone contemplating a major life change is to ignore what everyone else thinks or says and do what feels right in your heart, life is too short not to and so much better when you follow the wisdom of your heart.

Thank you for reading my post, I appreciate your time.

 

A New Beginning for Me, Returning Home

After 18 years in Florida, I am finally returning to the wide open spaces of the West, a dream I’ve had for sometime.  In a week and half I will drive a 10-foot moving truck across country for the first time to Wyoming. I will spend several months with my beloved sister and her husband, then return home to Arizona.

You can take the girl out of Arizona but you can never take Arizona out of the girl. I’ve discovered that you never move because of a job, it is the wrong reason to pull up stakes to give up everyone and everything you love.  Big life changes should never be a reaction to a problem, they follow you everywhere you go. Change should always be a choice and felt in your heart.

As I count down to my departure, I will remember the experiences and places that gave me pleasure. It is with great excitement and nervousness that I embark on this new beginning of my life.

My deepest desires for anyone who is at crossroads are that you let go of your limited beliefs and plans and let God co-create with you to arrive at the answers that you are seeking. From first hand experience, the outcome may not be what you imagined, but it will be what you want and need.

I sincerely appreciate your time and reading my post.

Find Your Voice, How to Consciously Speak Up for Yourself

Speaking up for ourselves, mindfully is being assertive without being aggressive.  It is a way to let others know how we feel by expressing ourselves with dignity, confidence and self-respect. It isn’t about being right or wrong, it is about intentionally speaking the truth authentically and sincerely without justifying ourselves.

It’s taken years for me to allow myself to be heard. I’ve spent most of my adult life smiling and remaining silent, the words seemed to be stuck in my throat. It is an injustice to our soul to remain silent. When we don’t speak up, we give our power away and it leads others to believe that we accept how things are and being taken advantage of.

We are so afraid of what others will think or that we’ll end up being alone, we tolerate the unacceptable. I’d never been taught how to speak my mind without fear or thoughtfully. My education came from life bringing people and situations that helped me to overcome those hurdles.

How to Purposefully Speak Up for Yourself

Be Open and Honest

Teach people how to treat you by being transparent when you communicate instead of agreeing or smiling just to keep the peace. It takes practice, but when you speak honestly without being complacent, intimidating and defensive people will be more open to hearing what you have to say. When you do speak be consistent and firm, it will shift every situation.

Be Truthful, Calmly

Speak with confidence, be assertive without aggression.  If a bill is incorrect, don’t let it go, call and dispute it.  If someone is aggressive with you, instead of reacting, respond calmly and thoughtfully by telling them how you feel. No one knows what you’re feeling until you speak up.

Don’t Be Afraid to Disagree

What others do or say has nothing to do with you. There are always people who thrive on trying to control others, intimidating or set in attack mode without taking others into consideration. Don’t cater to them by reacting with anger, shouting or intimidation. Speak up, take a breath, calmly express your perspective. Be sure to clarify what you’re saying and either listen to their response or end the conversation.

Practice Makes You Better

When anyone criticizes or pressures you to do something that isn’t in line with who you are or they’re negligent of your feelings, say something.  This may also mean ending relationships with people who don’t value you or your circumstances. Practice asking for what you need as often as you can.  Your life will only be better each time you enforce the new habit of consciously speaking your mind.

Your Time is Always Yours

Most of us have a hard time saying no to giving our time away.  I know I did for years, I would say yes when I wanted to say no because I wanted everyone to be happy. Don’t let obligations or your kindness get in the way of how you spend the hours in your day, you are the only one who is in control of your time. Break away from people or situations that absorb your precious time.

No One is Responsible for How you Feel or Act but You

No one can invalidate your opinions, you are in complete control of what you believe, how you feel, what you think and how you act. Remember that when you try to negate others point of view, they’re perception is as valid as yours.

I hope this is useful for you. I appreciate your time, thank you for reading my post.

Authentic Living Helps you Comfortably Connect with Others

How Being Authentic Feels

How authentic have you allowed yourself to be?  Are you comfortable being exactly who you are? Being authentic is the only way that we can experience the best of ourselves. It is about being present, accepting, approachable and above all transparent. From my experience with authenticity, it is not only easier for me, it effects the way I interact and how people feel when I am in their presence. It isn’t anything specific that I do, it is just how I show up.

When you’re authentic, you will feel much more comfortable in your own skin. You’re naturally aligned with your own truth and easily able to discern those who are genuine and those who are not. To observe authenticity, go out into nature and observe wildlife. Animals and birds have no ego or agenda, they just are. Can you imagine living that way all of the time?  You can finally stop being a people pleaser and trying to live up to the expectations of others.

What I’ve Observed in Myself and Others

I am the first to say I led a dual life for many years. I was one way at home and another way at work. I believed that if I was completely myself, I wouldn’t be accepted. Toward the end of my business career I was so burnt out that being myself was the only way I could be, it was then that it was clear I wasn’t a fit with the corporate world.

I used to be so frustrated with people who were two-faced, I could not imagine how someone could appear to be friendly or honest, then be so insensitive or untrustworthy, it didn’t make sense. Over time, being awake to life has helped me to better understand that people can only be what they know. I don’t condone hypocrisy, but to those who are, I am aware, you are forgiven.

I’ve known many people throughout my life that have been disingenuous.  I’ve been betrayed, lied to and emotionally hurt because I took their inability to be real personally. One thing I’ve discovered is that how someone else acts is not directed just at you, they arc that way toward others and themselves. Like you, people are always doing the best they can, no matter how they appear. Until a person’s life is affected in a way that causes them to see who they really are, they won’t change.

Becoming Authentic is Like a Job

True authenticity is about going inward and looking at the patterns in your life, going into your past, why you choose what you do, how you feel about yourself and if you feel you are honest and can be trusted.

It is natural to feel discomfort with the thought of being authentic because of those parts of us that we keep hidden from everyone. That is okay, I dealt with some of my darkness on my own and I sought help with the deeper issues. You can peel through the layers of your dark side that you’ve stuffed down and heal without telling everyone. Authenticity is vital to a healthier life, you’ll feel lighter and more in tune with yourself.

Simple ways of authenticity that I’ve picked up:

1. Always be ethical
2. Modified Honesty (I am careful by always starting a conversation with, “If I may offer a suggestion or this is only my perception” with the thought in mind that my honesty is not to hurt or sway someone’s choices based on my opinions and beliefs).
3. Love your body just as it is
4. Accept what you look like and learn to see your unique beauty
5. There is no one like you, so choose to love yourself
6. Be comfortable with your own unique style
7. Stop caring about what others think
8. People pleasing becomes a thing of the past
9. No longer looking for approval and expecting everyone to agree
10. Seek help or guidance from someone you trust

Choose wisely, choose intentionally, thank you for reading this post, Namaste