Negative Self-Talk – 8 Ways to Silence Your Critical Inner Voice

It’s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life, it is that whisper to yourself that has the most power. Robert T. Kiyosuki

Where does negative self-talk comes from? 

Negative self talk slowly works its way into our mind from the people around us, too much attention on the media and the negativity in the world around us. The more we hear it, the more we think it. Negative thoughts are constantly swirling around in mind, they never stop. We create those gloomy thoughts, we can replace them with more practical and optimistic thoughts, if we just stop, listen and shift.  Our mental and emotional health can only improve if we take the time to pay attention to what we say to ourselves.

If we tell ourselves we are fat and will always be overweight, we do everything to ensure that happens. If we tell ourselves we have a hard life with no way out, then we create that life.  If we tell ourselves we are unlovable, not worthy of happiness, stupid or clumsy, not only are we what we think, but everyone around us will see only what we project ourselves to be.

From WebMD, The more you focus on negative events or shortcomings, the harder it is to put them behind you. Research shows that happy people put bad days behind them. http://www.webmd.com/balance/express-yourself-13/negative-self-talk

8 Ways to Turn Down the Volume on Negative-Self-Talk

Once you begin to retrain your brain, you will catch yourself and use one of the many ways you learn to replace it.  Here are a few I’ve found successful:

  1. Instead of focusing on what you don’t like about yourself, find things that you do like, say you have pretty eyes or nice hands, you get the picture.
  2. When you catch yourself criticizing something you’ve done or said, ask yourself this, “Would I say this to my friends or family and is it really true?”
  3. Take stock of the people in your life who are negative, can you create a boundary to limit your time with them or are you better off finding new people to surround yourself with?
  4. We all have the habit of calling ourselves names or lashing out at ourselves when we make a mistake. Try thinking, I always do the best I can or I have good abilities and I know I will do better next time.
  5. Meditation is a way of calming yourself and helping to take your mind to a state of pure relaxation.  It helps to give your brain a rest which helps you to pay more attention to what you say to yourself.
  6. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small the achievement is instead of finding fault with yourself.
  7. Stop that harsh inner critic when you assume the worst, start assuming the best outcome and let it go.
  8. Stop allowing what others think about the way you are, look, dress or act define you. Instead empower yourself by caring more about what you think of yourself and the way you are.

Set-backs and failures are a part of life, everyone experiences them even the most successful people have stories to tell.  The key is to turn our inner critic into our inner friend so we can enjoy our life and thrive.

Thank you for your time, Namaste.

Essential Lessons of Karma/Cause and Effect

When clouds darken, the winds grow strong and the air becomes heavy, we know a storm is on its way, that is cause and effect, not destiny.

Our lives are like that storm because our actions, thoughts and words are the cause and effect in events, relationships and our place in the world. The law of cause and effect states that every material effect must have an adequate cause that existed before the effect, the effect is never greater than the cause.  The river isn’t muddy because a frog jumped in or a book doesn’t fall from the table because a fly landed on it. (apologeticspress.org)

What you resist and how you handle it determines your karma:

I recently experienced a life promotion that I didn’t expect, but it was very welcomed. Have you ever heard that statement, “what you resist, persists”? Well, that goes hand in hand with karma, I know I’ve lived it. I would like to share how we can grow into a better person by being a teacher and student of life.

Three years ago I met a woman who I was fascinated with. She was an enigmatic speaker and seemed to be a person I should get to know. I eventually got involved with her nonprofit organization as a business assistant. We did some good things together we helped people by making a difference in their lives. The working relationship was intermixed with our personal lives, making it complex and an unusual association for me, I had always kept the two separate. Eventually our relationship deteriorated making it inevitable that we should no longer remain connected in any way. One issue remained, I am renting one of the properties owned by she and her husband so the challenges continued for us both. While I know everything happens for a reason, that didn’t lessen the stress and anxiety between us.

I tried my best to keep things calm and simple, I had limited success because my intentions were not aligned with how I really felt about her so we continued to have difficulty communicating. Then things got worse when I wasn’t able to find a new roommate right away and couldn’t meet the full rent for one month. This time I knew I had to handle things differently, I had to be mindful of my words and change the energy behind them. This time I chose to consider the benefit of my actions for both of us.  It worked, it kept communication civil and respectful between us.

Then in the beginning of February, out of the blue the woman’s husband came to the house and told me he and his brother would oversee the property, but that his wife would still collect the rent. That was confirmation for me that things were shifting. Then at the end of the month he came back and told me that he and his brother were taking full responsibility for the property saying that he and his wife were divorcing. I wasn’t surprised because I was witness to the disconnect in their relationship when I was involved with her business. I am grateful for her teachings and for my graduation to another phase of my life.

This story is one of many of my life experiences, however this time I was conscious of what was going on and knew that it is always up to me to change my approach and way of thinking to create an agreeable solution, this is the stuff that a better world is made of.

When we struggle with our life challenges, it always helps to remember how you and those in your life will be affected by what you say or do.  Deepak Chopra is my go-to spiritual teacher to help me develop sound life principles to create a better life for myself.  He offers a few suggestions to help develop a keen sense of how to best create self-awareness and our part in the outcome of our lives.

From the Chopra Center:

Putting the Law of Karma into effect by making a commitment to take the following steps:
  1. Today I will witness the choices I make in each moment. And in the mere witnessing of these choices, I will bring them to my conscious awareness. I will know that the best way to prepare for any moment in the future is to be fully conscious in the present.
  2. Whenever I make a choice, I will ask myself two questions: “What are the consequences of this choice that I’m making?” and “Will this choice bring fulfillment and happiness to me and also to those who are affected by this choice?”
  3. I will then ask my heart for guidance and be guided by its message of comfort or discomfort. If the choice feels comfortable, I will plunge ahead with abandon. If the choice feels uncomfortable, I will pause and see the consequences of my action with my inner vision. This guidance will enable me to make spontaneously correct choices for myself and for all those around me.

“If you become consciously aware that your future is generated based on your choices, then you are making full use of The Law of Karma (Cause & Effect). The more you bring your choices into the level of your conscious awareness, the more you will make those choices which are spontaneously correct–both for you and those around you.” Deepak Chopra, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

Foolproof Ways to Improve Your Life

Let go and let life happen

The only magic a control wand has is disappointment and grief.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t just wave a magic wand and make something happen

Let go of what you can’t control. Channel all that energy into living fully in the now.” -Karen Salmansohn

How do we stay present? Most of our thoughts are about the past or the future, rather than the present moment. What we end up doing is passing through the moment by concentrating on what was or what may be and in doing so we miss the gift of now. That’s how life ends up passing us by – we do it to ourselves.

Part of being present is learning to go with the flow of life and releasing the need to control the results or outcome of a situation or challenge you are faced with.

Coming from someone who was a control queen which always includes needless suffering and usually ends negatively, trust me I know, I’ve done it to myself, a learning experience for sure.  I have since learned to listen to my gut and follow my instincts and even though I don’t always understand what I am going through and why, it always turns out for me in a way I could have never imagined. That is the beauty of letting go of control, because there are millions of possibilities that a situation could go in and letting go makes that possible, I know I’ve experienced the magic of the Universal flow.

 

Affirmations to Help You Learn to Let Go

I willingly surrender my attachment to what other people might think about me.”

“I let go of my attachment to the material things that surround me—I can take these or leave them; it is all the same.”

“I give up the negative emotions that have created a comfort zone for me—they no longer serve me.”

“I release the need to judge others’ thoughts and beliefs.”

Are you ready to let go of unnecessary stress, worry, and anxiety from your life, work and relationships?

Giving up control doesn’t sound easy, but it can be.  Rather than trying so hard to make something happen, take a leap of faith and follow your heart, there is true power in choosing this way of being, it works every time.

Control costs you:

  • Joy
  • Peace
  • Freedom
  • Energy
  • Creativity
  • Support
  • Ease
  • Connection
  • Love

Start by asking yourself a few important questions:

  1. Why am I afraid will happen if I let go of control?  How does my fear affect me and those around me?  (Be honest with yourself.)
  2. Am I willing to let go of control? (this may sound difficult, but we really don’t have control of anything but ourselves so this one is well worth your time to work on.)
  3. Look for support.  (Find someone who already knows how to let go of control who is willing to help you learn to go with the flow of life.)

Key actions to help you start on your own:

  • Surrender and feel the state of tranquility.  Be of the mind that you intend to take a leap of faith and allow life to flow from your intuition.

 

  • Be present, in other words stay in the moment.  When you can let of the past go and trying to forecast what the future holds for you, you will begin the process of going with the flow.  When you live in the moment, you will know that life is too precious to waste on worry or being fearful, neither of those  emotions does anything to help your situation.  The past is gone and over and the future isn’t here yet, so you really have no choice but to be in the now.  There is a great deal of power in being right where you are.

 

  • Take a laugh break every day. Find something to make you laugh until you can’t breathe every day.  Laughter is the best medicine isn’t just a quote, it truly is the best way to relax and feel better!

 

  • Go outside and take a walk, take a deep breath and enjoy nature, it feels good and you will feel better.  I guarantee it, I do it all of the time.  I have been through some pretty tough situations that have lightened when I’ve gone outside. It will help you to relax and find search your heart for a solution.  You will get ideas and answers to help you to deal with anything you are faced with.

When you ask yourself open-ended questions you ignite your conscious mind and create a new way to a solution.  I wish you all of the magic and miracles that life has to offer.

Examples:

Am I happy with____________________________?What do I think would happen if I chose____________________?Is there another way to ___________________?What else can I do_________________?Is there something specific that I am looking for?

 

 

Are you ready to take a leap of faith and trust in yourself and in life?

 

 

The Ultimate Love

Healthy Attitude

You are worthy because you were born. Gary Zukav

Even if you don’t believe it now, you were born a masterpiece, your self-worth is the foundation for a happy life.  To be less preoccupied with your body image and more aware of your soul or your spirit requires that you change your focus from your physical or external appearance to your heart and inner voice. In other words, instead of being absorbed with your body image, shift your thoughts to being dedicated to loving your essence and your soul’s development, the spirit and joy of who you are and the reason you’re alive.

When you have positive self-esteem, you’re connecting  with your highest self.  When you have a low or no self-esteem, you are absorbed with your outward appearance which supports thoughts of your image that inevitably holds you back from the life you are here to experience.

Do you feel unfulfilled or unhappy with your life and think that there is nothing about you that is lovable or worthy?  Rather than criticizing or judging yourself, imagine yourself as a painting, you can choose to replace what doesn’t feel good with what does. Eliminating low self-esteem is a process, one belief, one feeling and one thought at a time.  What took years to develop will take time and effort on your part, all you have to do is take tiny steps every day to heal and allow your true essence to appear.

Self Love

The Creation of a Healthy Self Esteem

Self-esteem is created by your thoughts, relationships and life experiences. Developing a healthy self-esteem includes cultivating a positive emotional well-being, becoming assertive, resilient and creating a new belief system.  It is learning to love yourself unconditionally.  You freely give love to your family and friends, why not give it to yourself.  After all, if you don’t love yourself, how can you love anyone else?

There are two primary reasons why self-awareness is so important:

  • It will help you to observe yourself and create a life free from self-judgment and criticism. (How can you best respond to what you cannot clearly and objectively see?)
  • It helps you to see yourself as you truly are and discover your authentic self. Isn’t it about time you started to get to know yourself?

Be Attentive to Your Needs. Is your self-talk encouraging you to ignore your needs because you tend to concentrate on living up to other’s expectations or unrealistic expectations you have created for yourself?  As children, we were conditioned to believe that what other people thought about us was more important than what we felt inside, who we truly were. In order for you to build a positive self-esteem requires that you listen to your intuition or gut instinct, sensations and insights.  Setting time aside each day to be alone with your thoughts will help you to develop that sense of awareness.

Dr. Wayne Dyer explains:

Here are the major perceptions of those who know they are worthy and deserving of all of God’s blessings:

  • My self-esteem comes from myself. (As a child of God, my worthiness is a given.)
  • I accept myself without complaint and without conditions.
  • I take full responsibility for my life and what it is and is not. (I blame no one.)
  • I do not choose to accept guilt into my life. (I live in the present moment.)
  • I understand the importance of having harmony between my thoughts, my feelings, and my behavior. (This harmony translates into peace and contentment.)

Your soul wants to experience harmony and peace.  When you can connect with that concept and the realization that your soul is the truth and magnificence of who you are, you will exude that beauty and confidence to everyone around you and the world. Wayne Dyer

Peace and love, namaste. (to be continued)

Creating Soul Sanctuaries – Shifting Your Awareness

No one else can choose your attitude.  Your perspective and choice of attitude give you the power to be in control.  That is the essence of freedom. Irene Dunlop

Creating your own soul sanctuary should be a vital part of the process in your journey to create a new lifestyle and change the direction of your focus from food to your personal growth. Shifting your thoughts and focus on unearthing the core of who you are and what your purpose in life is will begin the seeds of growth and healing within you.  When you begin to see yourself as a whole person rather than just the weight of your body or the food that  you eat. your life will change dramatically.

Three years ago I began my personal and spiritual transformation.  It changed my life forever. my focus shifted, my whole world changed.  How I perceived myself and who I was allowing myself to become was reflected in the people who came into my life   When you become clear on your direction and allow your authenticity to surface, you are aligning with your core.  When you open that space in your heart, things that you never imagined begin to happen.  People that are like who you truly are will come into your life.

Developing a healthy lifestyle has less to do with food and more to do with why you’re here, what your purpose in life is, what achieving great health is all about and rediscovering yourself. Whenever you embark on a new direction or focus in your life that is rooted in who you truly are, a major transformation will naturally occur.

Part of your “job” in adopting a new vision of yourself is to see yourself doing something that evokes your passion.  Something that creates energy and excitement to make a difference.  If your life revolves around the inspired part of yourself, the soul that whispers to you to create an abundant and joy-filled life, it will be  very easy to put food and eating in its place as a way to nourish and energize your spirit.

Have you ever done something that “took you away” or that you got so lost in time dissolved?  What was it?  Is it something that fills your heart and gives you peace? Creating a sanctuary within yourself allows the energy of the Universe to flow through you.  Rather then focus on mistakes, problems or contrast in your life, seek time to fill your soul with joy.  Be gentle with yourself, don’t get upset or frustrated when you miss the mark or don’t meet your own expectations, each day, each hour, each minute is an opportunity to start over.

Soul Blooming

The point of creating a healthy lifestyle is to turn your attention to all of your senses, mind, body and spirit.  Do you have or are you seeking spirituality?  Having faith and some form of spirituality in your life is so important.  Because when you have faith and a spiritual connection it can and will change the direction of your thoughts in a heartbeat.  It is more than positive thinking, it is an awareness of something greater than yourself allowing your soul to flourish.

As a flower blooms in spring to display its beauty to the world, as does your soul.  It is calling to you each and every day to be who you truly are.

From Deepak Chopra, the seven questions to discover your soul profile:

1. Who am I?

2. What do I want?

3. What’s my purpose in this life?

4. What sort of contribution do I want to make?

5. What are my unique skills?

6. Who are my heroes?

7. What is a meaningful relationship—what do I expect from one, and what do I give?

Can you feel it already? The transformation from a life focused on food and eating seems much less important than the creation of you.  It is a day by day, step by step process. Rather than hold expectations, hold none and allow yourself to develop at your own pace.  It is like a plant blooming, first the seed is planted, then watered to bring that seed to life.  Your energy will flow, your mind will become more creative, the love will flow from you to those in your life and the people who you meet.

Start your transformation by including meditation in your day.  I have created time in my day the first thing in the morning, it sets the tone for the day and gives you a feeling of harmony and peace as you prepare for the demands of the day.  If you’re a beginner, guided meditation is best to give your mind a diversion so you aren’t dealing with brain created thoughts that interfere with your natural stillness.  As you progress in meditation, your mind will begin to create visions of places and feelings that you want to experience.

Find a group that meets on a regular basis that will encourage your personal growth.  Meetup.com is a fantastic place to do that, I’ve joined a few groups myself, it’s changed my life.  If you join a group and find it isn’t what you expected, leave and find another.  Keep you in the forefront, be proactive on your own behalf. I know if you’re a parent, finding time for these things may seem difficult, if you are happy, relaxed, feeling positive and open to change, just think of the  message are you sending to your children.  While I don’t regret my past choices (if I knew better I would do better as Maya Angelou says), if I had made better choices for myself, things would have flowed easier.

Creating a soul sanctuary is making a determined choice to care for yourself.  A sanctuary is a place of peace and love so you can turn your attention and life to focus on the importance of creativity, happiness and joy.  Rather than seeking it in food, you will find it within yourself and what will spring forth from that fountain of love will surprise and delight you, you deserve it.

Peace and love.