Loneliness Can Become a Public Health Issue or We Can Rethink Our Way of Life

The results from a study published by Time Magazine in 2015 says loneliness kills. The study done by Brigham Young University has researchers alarmed, they are sending out a warning that loneliness is the next number one public health issue along with obesity and substance abuse. Feelings of loneliness increases the risk of death by a whopping 26%.

We can become a statistic or we can make an effort to change our perception of life and do something on our own behalf.  In an article about loneliness for Psychology Today, Associate Director of the Motivation Science Center Heidi Grant, Ph.D, said, “More than anything else, the cure for persistent loneliness lies in breaking the negative cycle of thinking that created it in the first place.”

“The process of becoming unstuck requires tremendous bravery, because basically we are completely changing our way of perceiving reality, like changing our DNA. We are undoing a pattern that is not just our pattern. It’s the human pattern.” Pema Chodron

There is a big difference between being lonely and being alone: (I enjoy my alone time, I didn’t always feel that way, but now I treasure it.)

• Being lonely is isolation that comes with unmet expectations and feelings un-returned, being alone is a feeling of freedom and enjoying solitude.
• Being lonely is feeling empty and the inability to do simple daily tasks. Being alone is embracing your time alone whether you’re driving to work or just reading a book, being alone is a chosen time.
• When you’re lonely you constantly seek distractions to help you avoid it, when you’re alone you’re okay with doing nothing and not needing someone around.
• Loneliness is being disconnected and living with self blame, being alone is using that time to find ways to create a connection whether spiritually or with people and rising from victim-hood by taking responsibility for your own happiness.

I have been through times of loneliness myself, it was difficult and painful; my family was worried about me. But I wasn’t because I knew I would do something to pull myself out of it by seeking solutions.  I’ve used every one of the methods below very successfully. Because they’ve helped me, I am sure that even one of the suggestions can help you out of loneliness into feeling better and enjoying your life.

We cannot wait for the medical profession to acknowledge loneliness or create a pill for it. We have to do something about it ourselves, and we can. The first is to acknowledge it, then we have to rethink our way of life by helping ourselves to find ways to change our situation, consider the following ideas.

1. Live with a Roommate – This isn’t for everyone but there are positive aspects to living with someone even if they are a total stranger. I’ve been doing it for the past several years and while it takes effort, it is beneficial to live with someone. Be careful, selective and choose who you will share a place with from your heart, that is what has worked for me and it can for you.
2. Go on a solo date –  Go to the movies, out to dinner,  or to music concert, you don’t have to wait for anyone to decide what they want to eat and you get to go to any movie or concert you want without any conflicts. (Even though I have a good roommate, the fact that we have different interests doesn’t bother me.  I’ve done this for years, I have fun, I love my own company and I don’t let what others think or how they see me as a single stop me from enjoying myself.)
3. Creatively Express Yourself  – Whatever creative outlet you enjoy, do it. Don’t stop yourself because you can’t draw or sing, none of that matters. Find what you enjoy and just start doing it. (I ‘ve always found creativity soothing and a great way to feel better. Creatively expressing myself has helped me to de-stress and feel good in the most difficult situations.)
4. Attend Meetups – There are a variety of groups on just about any subject you can think of.  They are fun, a great way to meet new people and a way to spark your imagination. (I’ve joined several meetup groups where I’ve made friends that are still in my life, I’ve learned, had fun and become a much better person for it.)
5. Mindful Meditation – A practice of calming the mind to achieve peace. Meditation induces a natural relaxation response which has been found to be instrumental in the treatment of conditions as wide-ranging as cardiac arrhythmias, asthma, allergies, herpes, diabetes, ulcers, hypertension, infertility, PMS, AIDS, and chronic pain.  (I’ve meditated for years, there is nothing like it and I am able to reduce my stress significantly especially if I meditate during the experience.)
6. Volunteer – Helping others in service is a great way to extend yourself and to help those who are unable to help themselves.  (I volunteered for years, I loved it, it is so rewarding and whatever you chose to do not only benefits those you help, but it always benefits you.)
7. Adopt a Pet – “Forget your troubles, come on get happy” is just what adopting a pet will do. Life is much happier and easier to get through with an animal companion. (I’ve had pets for years, I cannot imagine my life without them in it. They’ve become my best friend, a pair of ears that will listen to me unconditionally, a loving companion and a stress reliever.)
8. Get Happy – You are in charge of how you feel, no one can do that for you. While it may sound to “Pollyanna”, it isn’t.  When you watch children they are happy just because, so we have to find a way to reach inside and find the child within us and allow ourselves to feel that kind of bliss, after all it is for our better health. (I am happy, I work at it and make sure I remember how blessed I am, gratitude daily is a great way to remind myself to see the bright side of my life.)
9. Look Through Photo Albums – This is a hidden gem.  Whenever the holidays come, even though there are stories of the immense sadness and isolation, I choose to celebrate my way and part of that includes pulling out photo albums and going through them. I feel great just looking through them and better overall, it is well worth it, it makes what may be a difficult time easier to go through.
10. Read a Good Book – Books are a way to enjoy being somewhere else, or learning about people or places or how you can be a better person. There is a world of wonder in reading a good book, no matter which type you are passionate about. (My library is different than most, it includes many books by spiritual teachers that I admire. So this one method is a big help for me.)
11. Get a Camera – Seeing the world through a camera lens can range from silly to serious.  You can take photos with your cell phone or get a DSLR camera with more options and you can use photo editing apps to enhance the images or create a work of art, photography is a great way to change the direction of your thoughts and lift your spirits. (I‘ve had a camera for as long as I can remember, it has been like a best friend. When I’ve gone through life challenges, it has been a healing mechanism that I am so thankful for and it is a form of creativity that anyone can do.)

You can be highly social and have lots of people around you and still be lonely. Loneliness from whatever you’re living through is not the end of the world, it is the end of that part of your life. Finally, for me, I never feel lonely anymore because I am spiritually connected, something I never made the effort to be before. While that might not be suitable for everyone, whatever way you choose, it is up to you to take action on your own behalf.

Let the loneliness you feel turn into compassion for other lonely people, and then decide to do something about it!  Joyce Meyer

It is time for stuff to take a back seat, red lining excess

I just watched the documentary, Minimalism, nothing I saw was surprising, I’ve been doing that without knowing it for several years.  The more I got rid of the better I felt.  Now as I embark on having a home of my own, it will be a simple, comfortable and easy space to live in because I know what I can get along without.

Here are some ways that I’ve used and some ideas from some of the people I’ve known who have reduced, reused and eliminated excess stuff.

• Help the environment by shopping at thrift and consignment stores
• Sell or donate what you really don’t need or use
• Recycle broken or worn items, there are businesses that will haul away anything that no one can use
• Start by stripping one room, putting back only those items that you like, use or serve a purpose, follow suit with the rest of your living space
• Minimize decorator items, they only collect dust and clutter your space
• Re-purpose items that can be used for something else, (I use a hanging shoe stacker for extra storage.)
• If you haven’t worn something or used an item in six months, decide if you ever will
• De-clutter any storage space you have keeping only those items that have a purpose or will be used
• Is this really necessary?  If you have a storage unit that you’re paying for, ask yourself why
• When you buy something new, buy only to replace or fill a need
• Edit your collections by keeping some items out and storing some, make sure that they don’t overtake your living space, sell what makes sense
• Create a savings account with what you don’t spend to go someplace you’ve always wanted to travel to
• Increase your finances by considering your living space, are you really using and living in every part of it?  Can you live in a smaller space with less?
• Help others by going public, start a group or write a blog to share ideas and help live a simpler, calmer and more meaningful life

It took a few years for me to really reduce what I had, but I am happier with my surroundings and feel much lighter. It started with my mother’s estate, the more I got rid of, the easier it was. There was a lot of stuff to go through that took thought and some hard decision-making. But, I remembered hearing someone say, it isn’t the things that our lost loved ones accumulated that we should remember and keep, but who they were, what they did, how they treated people and the way that they loved.

To this day I am still editing my stuff, but now I know to ask myself some important questions, is this valuable to me, does it serve a purpose, why am I keeping it, can I live comfortably without it?  It helps to remember that our life isn’t about material things, but who and what we are, then getting rid of things is simplified.

Being indebted to banks and financial institutions for material things is a life of never-ending stress and anxiety that robs us of the life we were born to live. Consumerism has grabbed our attention and held it for so long that most people have forgotten that happiness and peace are not from things but from the people in our lives.

Now more than ever, it is time that we choose a life of meaning and purpose as we begin to reach out and connect with our human family. We are now living in an age of wisdom, a time when we are beginning to see and understand that our life should be about love, kindness, compassion and an awareness of our reason for living. Reducing the amount of stuff in our lives is a relief that lightens a very heavy load that has been breaking the back of humanity long enough.

Love people and use things, Josh Milburn (Co-Author, The Minimalists)

 

 

 

The Art of Listening with Your Heart

Listening with your heart requires that you sit silently and listen without judgment. This way of listening compels you to be supportive and to help someone to reach inside to find the answers they are seeking themselves.  It isn’t easy, but it is a great way to empower yourself and the other person.

A few years ago I took a day long workshop focused on learning to listen with your heart.  It sounded simple, but it isn’t. We have been taught to listen half-heartedly waiting with bated breath for the moment when there is a break to inject our opinion and advice.

In my workshop, when the person we were paired with spoke, we had to sit silently, look them in the eyes and be fully present while they spoke.  When they were finished, the lesson was to empower them with praise for their willingness to share and provide support without telling them what to do. It was a lesson in humility because we believe that we can solve someone else’s problems or steer them in the direction according to how we’ve handled situations and how they could improve the way they’re handling things if only they’d listen to our sage advice.  That approach can only makes things worse and drive people apart.

I learned a lot that day. Now, when someone wants to share their situation, I ask if they want my perspective before I jump in knowing that they may not accept or believe that it is the way to go.  Listening with your heart is showing respect, compassion and kindness just by being there.

Most people just want someone to listen while they sort through the challenges they are faced with.  You don’t have to agree with their method of handing a situation furthermore you really don’t know what someone else is going through. Once a person vents and gets everything out, they can and should come upon solutions themselves. Don’t take it personally, it is never about us, it is about learning to go above and beyond to be conscious and caring.

Thank you for stopping by, Namaste

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Self-Sabotage – When part of who you are acts in conflict with another part of you

Self-sabotage is not always apparent, it can show up as disease, stress, anger, depression, etc. The discovery of it and healing it is life changing. From my experience, you may gain feelings of self-empowerment, feel good about yourself, release toxic situations and people from your life, care more about what you think than what others do and finally know what harmony and inner peace feels like.

When you’re in conflict with yourself and desperately trying to push through whatever your faced with just know that you’re not alone. Self-sabotage is a common, little discussed, persistent problem many of us are dealing with.  You will know in your heart when you’ve had enough and you’re sick and tired of feeling out of control of your life.

There are overt forms of dependency and self-abuse such as alcohol, drugs, food, etc.  Then there are more subtle forms of dependency such as denial of self-love, lousy relationships, being solitary, anger, lashing out, etc. I realized this just recently when I had an epiphany that I was conditionalizing the love for myself based on my performance and my inability to be more spiritual than what I thought I was.  The truth is I am always spiritual and always doing the best I can, as we all are, we just have to realize our worth and just be.

I am very familiar with self-sabotage, in my case my crutch only made me fat and a target for a variety of diseases. I ate a lot, when I was upset, when I was angry, when I was sad, when I didn’t know what to do, etc. I always managed to consume enough to shove those feelings of inadequacy away. I’ve lived with self-sabotage for years and I didn’t know it. When eating didn’t work anymore, I choose to see myself as a victim. I judged and blamed myself and the other person for the way my life was. I allowed the problems and problem people to swallow me and my life up. Somehow I always managed to avoid the truth of being in constant conflict with myself .

My solutions finally came when I realized I was worthy of being at peace and enjoying my life.  I did inner work, lived my truth by accepting myself as I was and learning to love myself enough to no longer berate and abuse myself with words I would never say to my friends or family. While I cannot tell you how to solve whatever form of self-sabotage you’ve lived with or how to stop the addiction you’re leaning on to help you through, I do know that it is possible to find your way out, to rise above it and move on with your life.

It takes time and perseverance to conquer this way of being, but I can suggest a few ways you can try.

1. Stop yourself from thinking about whatever you’re faced with and go do something to help you relax
2. In place of trying to “figure” it out, go inside to find out what triggers you
3. Go out into nature to really hear what your instincts are trying to tell you
4. Create a private video blog or journal to get the root of your self-sabotage
5. The actual issues matter less than the why you continually sabotage yourself and why it is dominating your life
6. What you feel matters, allow yourself to feel sad, angry, upset, whatever feelings arise let them, just don’t get swallowed up by them, once you feel it, acknowledge them then move on
7. Talk with someone you trust to help you find the right solution
8. Seek professional help if that is what you know you should do
9. No matter what anyone in your life has experienced, you have the right to choose what you know in your heart is right for you.

 

 

The disclaimer provides that this article is merely information – not advice. If readers need medical advice, they should consult a doctor or other appropriate medical professional. The disclaimer also provides that no warranties are given in relation to the information supplied on the blog site, and that no liability will accrue to the content owner in the event that a user suffers loss as a result of reliance upon the information.

Are You Courageous?

LIfe is too short to allow fear to stop you from whatever it is that you want to do.  You have to believe so strongly that you are worthy that you don’t waste time and energy analyzing what you’re contemplating.

You have to find the courage step out of your comfort zone and just do it. Let life take care of the details.

So what if no one believes in you, if you do that is all that matters. It is time for women to let courage rise and be the change we are here for without doubt, hesitation, fear or worry.

Step through your fear into the doorway of change and the unknown, you can do it, I know you can.

Foolproof Ways to Improve Your Life

No matter how hard you try, you can’t just wave a magic wand and make something happen

“Let go of what you can’t control. Channel all that energy into living fully in the now.” -Karen Salmansohn

How do we stay present? Most of our thoughts are about the past or the future, rather than the present moment. What we end up doing is passing through the moment by concentrating on what was or what may be and in doing so we miss the gift of now. That’s how life ends up passing us by – we do it to ourselves.

Part of being present is learning to go with the flow of life and releasing the need to control the results or outcome of a situation or challenge you are faced with.

Coming from someone who was a control queen which always includes needless suffering and usually ends negatively, trust me I know, I’ve done it to myself, a learning experience for sure.  I have since learned to listen to my gut and follow my instincts and even though I don’t always understand what I am going through and why, it always turns out for me in a way I could have never imagined. That is the beauty of letting go of control, because there are millions of possibilities that a situation could go in and letting go makes that possible, I know I’ve experienced the magic of the Universal flow.

 

Affirmations to Help You Learn to Let Go

“I willingly surrender my attachment to what other people might think about me.”

“I let go of my attachment to the material things that surround me—I can take these or leave them; it is all the same.”

“I give up the negative emotions that have created a comfort zone for me—they no longer serve me.”

“I release the need to judge others’ thoughts and beliefs.”

Are you ready to let go of unnecessary stress, worry, and anxiety from your life, work and relationships?

Giving up control doesn’t sound easy, but it can be.  Rather than trying so hard to make something happen, take a leap of faith and follow your heart, there is true power in choosing this way of being, it works every time.

Control costs you:

• Joy
• Peace
• Freedom
• Energy
• Creativity
• Support
• Ease
• Connection
• Love

Start by asking yourself a few important questions:

1. Why am I afraid will happen if I let go of control?  How does my fear affect me and those around me?  (Be honest with yourself.)
2. Am I willing to let go of control? (this may sound difficult, but we really don’t have control of anything but ourselves so this one is well worth your time to work on.)
3. Look for support.  (Find someone who already knows how to let go of control who is willing to help you learn to go with the flow of life.)

Key actions to help you start on your own:

• Surrender and feel the state of tranquility.  Be of the mind that you intend to take a leap of faith and allow life to flow from your intuition.

 

• Be present, in other words stay in the moment.  When you can let of the past go and trying to forecast what the future holds for you, you will begin the process of going with the flow.  When you live in the moment, you will know that life is too precious to waste on worry or being fearful, neither of those  emotions does anything to help your situation.  The past is gone and over and the future isn’t here yet, so you really have no choice but to be in the now.  There is a great deal of power in being right where you are.

 

• Take a laugh break every day. Find something to make you laugh until you can’t breathe every day.  Laughter is the best medicine isn’t just a quote, it truly is the best way to relax and feel better!

 

• Go outside and take a walk, take a deep breath and enjoy nature, it feels good and you will feel better.  I guarantee it, I do it all of the time.  I have been through some pretty tough situations that have lightened when I’ve gone outside. It will help you to relax and find search your heart for a solution.  You will get ideas and answers to help you to deal with anything you are faced with.

When you ask yourself open-ended questions you ignite your conscious mind and create a new way to a solution.  I wish you all of the magic and miracles that life has to offer.

Examples:

Am I happy with____________________________?What do I think would happen if I chose____________________?Is there another way to ___________________?What else can I do_________________?Is there something specific that I am looking for?

 

Are you ready to take a leap of faith and trust in yourself and in life?

 

 

Do We Take Life and Being Alive for Granted?

As I walked home from my daily walk this morning I saw a little girl so focused on her smart phone, that she never noticed the birds and the miracles of nature swirling around her,  Last week when I walked through a beautiful local park, a group of people passed by me. They were busily talking with each other and on their phones, they never looked up or around to see the beauty of their surroundings.

All too many of us have become desensitized to the small imperceptible miracles around us.  We take life and the gift of being alive for granted.  I have a smart phone,  but when I go for a walk, it stays home.  When I head out into nature it is tucked away.  I make a choice, it is up to me to decide how I treat each day. I choose to stop being so focused on a missed call or text to notice my surroundings and experiencing the joy of peace and quiet.

I have trained myself to pay attention, to the smallest of things,  I believe that we have today only. We may not have tomorrow, life is not guaranteed.  Speeding along through each day waiting for some future goal, paycheck, event or change to happen is missing the point of life.  We aren’t here for the outcome, we are here for the enchantment of the journey.

So, slow down, look around you, breathe in the fresh air. There is magic in the tiniest most imperceptible of places. The miracle of a bird flying by, a butterfly floating through the air, the flowers that grow where humans have thrown trash, the trees that continue to push through the ground and provide us with oxygen even though we’ve put in paved roads and sidewalks.  Mother earth continues to survive beyond the human invasion.

The very least we can do is put our technology down when we are in the midst of it all.  The most we can do is care enough about ourselves to notice and be conscious of the wonder of being alive.