From the time my son was born, the holiday season took a turn for me that changed the way I celebrate. I felt a deeper sense of love and had a different way of seeing the world. While there were still gifts and the magic of Santa Claus, the importance of that took a back seat to the way our family celebrated. My mother always showered us with love and tradition that made our holidays magical. Now I had a chance to focus on what I felt along with what she had instilled in all of us. Even though my parents are gone now, my memories of this time of the year help to create a celebration of what I find most precious in my life. My way of celebrating Christmas is less about a birth and more about love and light the importance of sharing it.
Now that I practice since living mindfully, I also honor unity and diversity. With that, I would like to wish that joy and love be the central part of this time of the year for you, no matter how or what you choose to do this time of the year for you and those in your life. May how you spend the days and weeks of this month begin with sharing whatever is precious to you.
Blessed is the season which engages the
whole world in a conspiracy of love. – Hamilton Wright Mabie
Like many people, there was a time in my life when I had a tendency to trust and believe what people said, not fully recognizing that a person’s behavior and lack of follow up were telling factors of their true character. Many times, I accepted people into my life who turned out to be a *“Zombie or a *“Professor” (as defined below) that became very hard lessons for me. Now that I practice mindful ways of living and rely on my gut instincts, I pay attention to those internal feelings and what or who I allow in my life. I am a much happier and peaceful person.
*A Word About Certain Character Types – Frank Sonnenberg
Hypocrites – are so full of @#%^*?! that even they don’t believe what they are saying. Forget action on their part. They have a hard enough time keeping their own stories straight.
Emperor is all talk, no action. Like the emperor’s new clothes, everything is centered on the show rather than on substance. He talks a good game, but don’t expect any action or follow-up from this empty suit.
Politician will say anything to win your vote of confidence; this person is great with words but don’t ask for accountability. Once this opportunist gets what he/she wants, they nowhere to be found.
Drifters have no backbone. They make statements one minute and change their positions the next. If it seems that these folks are confused or evasive, it’s because they are.
Professor speaks eloquently about theory, but that’s where it ends. Action? That thought never crossed her mind. As the popular saying goes, “An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.”
Zombie is so oblivious to reality he doesn’t even realize that his words are out of step with his actions. It only takes someone else to shine a bright light on this fellow to expose his insincerity.
Ben Franklin said, “Well done is better than well said.”
Our Demeanor Says it All
Observing a person’s behavior and actions rather than believing what they say is how I determine a person’s truth and express mine. This is a way to show our truth and create boundaries to help eliminate people from our lives that aren’t healthy for us.
Body Language vs Behavior
Body language is a part of nonverbal communication, 95 percent of brain activity is beyond our conscious awareness. Behavior on the other hand is a range of actions and mannerisms people make in conjunction with the way they live and their environment.
How I Set Boundaries:
How I feel around a person
How they speak to me
Are their values in alignment with mine
Are they honest
Do they make eye contact when speaking
Do they always complain without ever finding a solution
Is there a clear contradiction between what someone says and what they do
Are they sincere, what is their voice tone like
How do they speak of themselves
How do they treat and speak of others
Do their mannerisms coincide with how they define themselves
Does the person walk their talk
How does someone act in all types of social situations
How I feel around a person
How they speak to me
Are their values in alignment with mine
Are they honest
Do they make eye contact when speaking
Do they always complain without ever finding a solution
Is there a clear contradiction between what someone says and what they do
Are they sincere, what is their voice tone like
How do they speak of themselves
How do they treat and speak of others
Do their mannerisms coincide with how they define themselves
Does the person walk their talk
How does someone act in all types of social situations
People’s actions and behaviors either support or contradict what they say. To help you with the art of observation, I’ve found a list of practices that will help you determine the character of someone.
The three components of behavior:
Here are a few examples of Body Language Cues and Intuitive Feelings indicators that you can practice from physiologist, Judith Orloff M.D.
How to Observe Behavior
How to Observe Behavior
Notice Posture –When reading people’s posture, ask yourself: Do they hold their head high, confident? Or do they walk indecisively or cower, a sign of low self-esteem? Do they swagger with a puffed out chest, sign of a big ego?
Pay Attention to Appearance –When reading others notice: Are they wearing a power suit and well-shined shoes, dressed for success, indicating ambition? Jeans and a t-shirt, indicating comfort with being casual? A tight top with cleavage, a seductive choice? A pendant such as a cross or Buddha indicating spiritual values?
Watch For Physical Movements
Leaning and Distance—Observe where people lean. Generally, we lean toward those we like and away from those we don’t.
Crossed arms and legs—This pose suggests defensiveness, anger, or self-protection. When people cross their legs they tend to point the toes of the top leg towards the person they are most at ease with.
Hiding one’s hands—When people place their hands in their laps, pockets, or put them behind their back it suggests that they are hiding something.
Lip biting or cuticle picking—When people bite or lick their lips or pick their cuticles they are trying to soothe themselves under pressure or in an awkward situation.
Interpret Facial Expression
Emotions can become etched on our faces. Deep frown lines suggests worry or over-thinking. Crow’s feet are the smile lines of joy. Pursed lips signal anger, contempt, or bitterness. A clenched jaw and teeth grinding are signs of tension.
The Second Technique. Listen to Your Intuition
You can tune into someone beyond their body language and words. Intuition is what your gut feels, not what your head says. It’s nonverbal information you perceive via images, ah-has, and body knowings, rather than logic.
If you want to understand someone, what counts the most is who the person is, not their outer trappings. Intuition lets you see further than the obvious to reveal a richer story.
Listen to what your gut says, especially during first meetings, a visceral reaction that occurs before you have a chance to think. It relays whether you’re at ease or not. Gut feelings occur quickly, a primal response. They’re your internal truth meter, relaying if you can trust people.
2. Feel the goosebumps
Goosebumps are marvelous intuitive tingles which convey that we resonate with people who move or inspire us, or are saying something that strikes a chord. Goosebumps also happen when you experience deja-vu, a recognition that you’ve known someone before, though you’ve actually never met.
3. Pay attention to flashes of insight
In conversations, you may get an “ah-ha” about people which comes in a flash. Stay alert. Otherwise you might miss it. We tend to go onto the next thought so rapidly these critical insights are lost.
Sometimes you can feel people’s physical symptoms and emotions in your body which is an intense form of empathy. So, when reading people, notice, “Does my back hurt when it didn’t before? Am I depressed or upset after an uneventful meeting?” To determine if this is empathy, get feedback.
The Third Technique – Sense Emotional Energy
Emotions are a stunning expression of our energy, the “vibe” we give off. We register these with intuition. Some people feel good to be around; they improve your mood and vitality. Others are draining; you instinctively want to get away. This “subtle energy” can be felt inches or feet from the body, though it’s invisible. In Chinese medicine it’s called chi, a vitality that’s essential to health.
1. Sense people’s presence
This is the overall energy we emit, not necessarily congruent with words or behavior. It’s the emotional atmosphere surrounding us like a rain cloud or the sun. As you read people notice: Do they have a friendly presence that attracts you? Or are you getting the willies, making you back off.
2. Watch people’s eyes
Our eyes transmit powerful energies. Just as the brain has an electromagnetic signal extending beyond the body, studies indicate that the eyes project this too. Take time to observe people’s eyes. Are they caring? Sexy? Tranquil? Mean? Angry? Also determine: Is there someone at home in their eyes, indicating a capacity for intimacy? Or do they seem to be guarded or hiding?
3. Notice the feel of a handshake, hug, and touch
We share emotional energy through physical contact much like an electrical current. Ask yourself, Does a handshake or hug feel warm, comfortable, confident? Or is it off-putting so you want to withdraw? Are people’s hands clammy, signaling anxiety or limp, suggesting being non-committal and timid?
4. Listen for People’s Tone of Voice and Laugh
The tone and volume of our voice can tell much about our emotions. Sound frequencies create vibrations. When reading people, notice how their tone of voice affects you. Ask yourself: Does their tone feel soothing? Or is it abrasive, snippy, or whiny.
My Final Thoughts
I believe we are put in every situation in our lives to help us grow and become who we truly are. These life lessons are a way to help us depart from defaulting to what we’ve done by mindfully paying attention, loving ourselves enough to consciously choose who we spend time with and finding a better way to respond to anything that happens in our lives.
From my own personal experiences, we cannot change the world by reacting to what happens or someone’s way of being, but we can change the world if we respond with wisdom and thoughtfulness. The way we are and how we live our lives as well as the people we are surrounded by and have as friends are our choice, by applying behavior observation techniques, we choose who and what is right for us.
“You need to associate with people who inspire you, people who challenge you to rise higher, people who make you better. Don’t waste your valuable time with people who are not adding to your growth. Your destiny is too important.” Joel Osteen
Thank you for reading my post, I sincerely appreciate your time.
Wisdom of a Woman's Heart 